1. Have you noticed every city has a Martin Luther King Dr.? What gets me, is that every city it is in, the street is in a bad neighborhood. Atlanta, Chicago, Indianapolis, Gary. Just a curious realizaiton.
2. OK, this one is against my own people. I HATE it when my people go to the beach or water park. For some reason, Indians think it is cool to act like white folk, so they want to do all these things. They are so half-assed though that they still go in their saris (traditional Indian clothing). No one wants to be fricking swimming in that shit, especially me, and I am Indian. Put on a damn bathing suit, or just keep out of the water like a proper Indian lady.
3. Do you know when you are driving down the highway and someone has their brights on behind you...acceptable I suppose; it is dark. WTH is up with these morons turning on their brights on the expressway in the middle of Chicago. I don't need any lights on to see, but instead I get blinded by these idiots who think they know how to drive. I showed them though, I always let them pass me then go behind them and high beam them. Stupid jerks.
4. "Hey, what are you upto?" What is the response I am looking for here? Any myriad of options is acceptable. What is not acceptable is a fricking call immediately after I send this text message. Nine times out of ten I will simply ignore the call for sheer ignorance of SMS ettiquete. If I wanted to call you, I would have. I have no urge to speak to you on the phone obviously, so I have texted you. It is easier, and I can multi-task and not devote all my energy to that call. I think there needs to be some sort instructional handbook about this kind of stuff because people are struggling.
5. I hate when I am driving through a construction zone, and I see some guy holding up a sign. I notice that he is not even really holding it up, but it is in a stand and he is simply standing next to it. What's up with that? Instead of finsihing up the job quicker, he is being a lazy bum. Why don't you put those my tax dollars to use and do something you waste of life.
6. If I could make a wish (setting aside personal gain and all that let there be peace bullshit), I would get rid of all guns, nukes, aircrafts, all that rubbish. I would take us back to a time of sword and spear. Life was so much more badass then. Guns and all this technology is so cheap. I know it takes some skill, but some other mechanism is helping out a great deal as well. A sword requires so much more skill. I have decided.
7. OK, so this is an extension of a previous random thought. I wish to extol the proper use of next weekend because apparently this is an issue as well. If I were to say next weekend right now, I would mean the weekend of Aug. 7-9. If I were to say next weekend on this past Sunday, I would mean the weekend of July 31-Aug. 2. I hope this helps people. Make no more mistakes with this with me.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Frustration
I am so damn annoyed...
You know when you have an itch on your toes, and you just cannot get it? I am scratching one toe, and it turns out it really is another toe that is itching.
I go over to that other toe, but my stupid toes are so tender that either the skin has calloused over and makes no difference or I cannot scratch hard enough to really fulfill that itch.
It is so annoying when you think the itch is on the surface, but it really is itching inside and all you can do is sit there and endure the pain.
Stupid toes...Kelsey
You know when you have an itch on your toes, and you just cannot get it? I am scratching one toe, and it turns out it really is another toe that is itching.
I go over to that other toe, but my stupid toes are so tender that either the skin has calloused over and makes no difference or I cannot scratch hard enough to really fulfill that itch.
It is so annoying when you think the itch is on the surface, but it really is itching inside and all you can do is sit there and endure the pain.
Stupid toes...Kelsey
Friday, July 24, 2009
My Little Brothers
There is no word in Gujarati for cousins. I was always brought up that all my cousins were my brothers and sisters. Even some family friends I regard just as much as brothers and sisters.
I never thought my family could grow even bigger. That is until I joined Phi Psi. It was definitely one of the best decisions of my life, and my family grew 40+ in a moment. (Not that that really impacts the number of my family since I am Indian lol).
My family before Phi Psi taught me my potential. They taught me who I can be, my skills, and my path in life. My Phi Psi family taught me my worth. They helped me fully realize and understand the aforementioned things.
Through my journey in Phi Psi I have come across many people, many relationships. The ones that have meant the most to me, have been my relationships with my Little Brothers. In Phi Psi, we have Big Brothers who are mentors to their Little Brothers. The relationship is definitely by no means one sided. The Little Brother in turn also helps the Big Brother in so many ways as well.
I was never given a Little in actuality. In some ways you could say, my lineage ended with me. I , however, believe that my lineage is more like the Hapsburg family who married the shit out of everyone and spread it that way lol. But in all seriousness I wanted to recognize and honor those who have impacted me as being a Little to me, and in return helped my grow and become the person I am today. They do not know and probably will never know how much they have impacted me, but I wanted to honor them in this blog.
I know nearly all of these people have Bigs of their own, but this is not an insult to any of them that they did not do an adequate job or anything. You can have this relationship with more than one person.
Brady: Definitely the person that has challenged me more than anyone. It was a goal of mine to help him get set up in college, but in return he helped me get set up on my path. He helped me realize what I believe my reason in life is through my interactions with him. He also helped me understand my sense of duty more than anyone which I expressed in a previous post. He is by no means the most compassionate person you will ever meet ( I think that is an under-statement) , but he sense of loyalty is unparalled. I believe we share similar notions of loyalty and dedication. He is and always will be Little...though he is more Big than he will ever know.
Ronnie: What to say about a person that has become a role model for me myself. Ronnie never gives up, no matter the odds. Even when people take him for granted and in ways abuse the relationship, Ronnie does not move an inch. Putting someone else's happiness first, thinking of the Greater Good, these are all things Ronnie has taught me. I can honestly say he is one of the most impressive people I have ever met. He has countless people that emulate him, and he never lets any of them down.
Nick Estrada: My Little Mexican :-). Haha, definitely a great guy. I believe we have talked about literally everything in the world and come to agreement on 95% of everything. He has helped me come out of my shell. I used to hate confrontation, but he has helped me become more opinionated and handle things in a very mature manner. Like Brady, he is not the nicest person ;-), but he is always there for me. I know he would drop anything to be there for me, and I know I can count on him time and time again. I will always cherish all our talks :-).
Joe: Joe is a drug-dealing stuck up prick, and all he thinks about is the next girl he is going to bang. Boy was I wrong lol, well except for the prick part ;-). Joe does speak his mind, but he believes in the Greater Good. He always puts the Fraternity above himself. He is not afraid to call anyone out, not because he does believes he has no room for improvement but because he expects the best from everyone because that is all he knows how to give. I have learned to expect the best of myself through him. He has impacted me greatly, especially since graduating, and I hope he knows how much our relationship means to me.
Sean: I still remember the first time I met Sean, and he ran out of Crackers without paying his bill :-). Sean has definitely been another constant in my life. We often grow out of touch, but I know we can always jump right back to where we left off. Sean was actually the first "Little" of mine I guess you could say. I have seen his full transformation, and I am glad he believes in himself, for that is exactly what gift he gave to me. I am so happy for him and love him to death.
Spencer: Spencer is a very quiet guy when you first meet him. Even after you meet him, he can be very reserved. He has a great deal of heart though. Spencer can be there and be one of the most dedicated people without saying one word. There is value in learning when to be the leader in the front, and when to lead by example. I am glad that we have been able to get to know each other better. I will never forget those times in my apartment...just the five of us...definitely one of the best times of my college life.
Derek: D-go! Though he is older than me, I definitely view him as a Little Brother. Derek understands the meaning of brotherhood. He may not be an officer or will never be, but he is steadfast. He understands the values of brotherhood and will always be a brother to anyone who reaches out to him. I know Derek will always be in my life in some way. He was there for me through some of my hardest times, even when some of my closest friends were not.
Ryan: If there is one person I know I can call at anytime. If there is one person that will listen to me no matter. If there is one person that will accept me for who I am. It is Sexton. His understanding is unparalled. Sexton has been my support. He has been a crutch to me. He sheds light on my life and gives me reason to keep going on. His story always inspires me. I can only hope to follow in his footsteps of perserverance.
Nick M.: McGee is someone that I am sad I did not get a chance to get to know better. He really is a great guy that knows what it takes to succeed. He believes in me just as much as I believe in myself. He gives me hope and encouragement. I worry about Phi Psi from time to time, but I really beleive it is in good hands, especially with McGee there.
Evan: My VERY Little brother. Evan has definitely grown up quite a bit. I think he has found his niche and finally showing his true colors. I think Evan can truly move mountains as long as he puts his mind to it. Evan can always make me smile. Sometimes when I was down, I used to go up to his room just so I can talk to him and make me smile.
Tyler R.: Like McGee, Tyler believes in me. In a time when my self-esteem was very low, he helped me to expand upon it and believe in myself. I believe I am capable of anything and everything. I believe I am capable of anything and everything because of Tyler Reese. He worries a lot about the future sometimes, but I believe in him and know he has what it takes.
Tyler Z.: My newest Little. I think he is another person who is the future of Phi Psi. I think he is finally getting settled in, and I believe he will be President one day. He has the drive, the motivation, the determination, the values, the sight that Phi Psi will need. I am sad that I will not be able to see it, but I know he will take Phi Psi to the next level. He is the embodiment of what it takes to be a brother.
Though my colors Blue and Silver will not be passed down. I know they will live on. They have changed my life, they have made me whole, they have given me a new life.
I never thought my family could grow even bigger. That is until I joined Phi Psi. It was definitely one of the best decisions of my life, and my family grew 40+ in a moment. (Not that that really impacts the number of my family since I am Indian lol).
My family before Phi Psi taught me my potential. They taught me who I can be, my skills, and my path in life. My Phi Psi family taught me my worth. They helped me fully realize and understand the aforementioned things.
Through my journey in Phi Psi I have come across many people, many relationships. The ones that have meant the most to me, have been my relationships with my Little Brothers. In Phi Psi, we have Big Brothers who are mentors to their Little Brothers. The relationship is definitely by no means one sided. The Little Brother in turn also helps the Big Brother in so many ways as well.
I was never given a Little in actuality. In some ways you could say, my lineage ended with me. I , however, believe that my lineage is more like the Hapsburg family who married the shit out of everyone and spread it that way lol. But in all seriousness I wanted to recognize and honor those who have impacted me as being a Little to me, and in return helped my grow and become the person I am today. They do not know and probably will never know how much they have impacted me, but I wanted to honor them in this blog.
I know nearly all of these people have Bigs of their own, but this is not an insult to any of them that they did not do an adequate job or anything. You can have this relationship with more than one person.
Brady: Definitely the person that has challenged me more than anyone. It was a goal of mine to help him get set up in college, but in return he helped me get set up on my path. He helped me realize what I believe my reason in life is through my interactions with him. He also helped me understand my sense of duty more than anyone which I expressed in a previous post. He is by no means the most compassionate person you will ever meet ( I think that is an under-statement) , but he sense of loyalty is unparalled. I believe we share similar notions of loyalty and dedication. He is and always will be Little...though he is more Big than he will ever know.
Ronnie: What to say about a person that has become a role model for me myself. Ronnie never gives up, no matter the odds. Even when people take him for granted and in ways abuse the relationship, Ronnie does not move an inch. Putting someone else's happiness first, thinking of the Greater Good, these are all things Ronnie has taught me. I can honestly say he is one of the most impressive people I have ever met. He has countless people that emulate him, and he never lets any of them down.
Nick Estrada: My Little Mexican :-). Haha, definitely a great guy. I believe we have talked about literally everything in the world and come to agreement on 95% of everything. He has helped me come out of my shell. I used to hate confrontation, but he has helped me become more opinionated and handle things in a very mature manner. Like Brady, he is not the nicest person ;-), but he is always there for me. I know he would drop anything to be there for me, and I know I can count on him time and time again. I will always cherish all our talks :-).
Joe: Joe is a drug-dealing stuck up prick, and all he thinks about is the next girl he is going to bang. Boy was I wrong lol, well except for the prick part ;-). Joe does speak his mind, but he believes in the Greater Good. He always puts the Fraternity above himself. He is not afraid to call anyone out, not because he does believes he has no room for improvement but because he expects the best from everyone because that is all he knows how to give. I have learned to expect the best of myself through him. He has impacted me greatly, especially since graduating, and I hope he knows how much our relationship means to me.
Sean: I still remember the first time I met Sean, and he ran out of Crackers without paying his bill :-). Sean has definitely been another constant in my life. We often grow out of touch, but I know we can always jump right back to where we left off. Sean was actually the first "Little" of mine I guess you could say. I have seen his full transformation, and I am glad he believes in himself, for that is exactly what gift he gave to me. I am so happy for him and love him to death.
Spencer: Spencer is a very quiet guy when you first meet him. Even after you meet him, he can be very reserved. He has a great deal of heart though. Spencer can be there and be one of the most dedicated people without saying one word. There is value in learning when to be the leader in the front, and when to lead by example. I am glad that we have been able to get to know each other better. I will never forget those times in my apartment...just the five of us...definitely one of the best times of my college life.
Derek: D-go! Though he is older than me, I definitely view him as a Little Brother. Derek understands the meaning of brotherhood. He may not be an officer or will never be, but he is steadfast. He understands the values of brotherhood and will always be a brother to anyone who reaches out to him. I know Derek will always be in my life in some way. He was there for me through some of my hardest times, even when some of my closest friends were not.
Ryan: If there is one person I know I can call at anytime. If there is one person that will listen to me no matter. If there is one person that will accept me for who I am. It is Sexton. His understanding is unparalled. Sexton has been my support. He has been a crutch to me. He sheds light on my life and gives me reason to keep going on. His story always inspires me. I can only hope to follow in his footsteps of perserverance.
Nick M.: McGee is someone that I am sad I did not get a chance to get to know better. He really is a great guy that knows what it takes to succeed. He believes in me just as much as I believe in myself. He gives me hope and encouragement. I worry about Phi Psi from time to time, but I really beleive it is in good hands, especially with McGee there.
Evan: My VERY Little brother. Evan has definitely grown up quite a bit. I think he has found his niche and finally showing his true colors. I think Evan can truly move mountains as long as he puts his mind to it. Evan can always make me smile. Sometimes when I was down, I used to go up to his room just so I can talk to him and make me smile.
Tyler R.: Like McGee, Tyler believes in me. In a time when my self-esteem was very low, he helped me to expand upon it and believe in myself. I believe I am capable of anything and everything. I believe I am capable of anything and everything because of Tyler Reese. He worries a lot about the future sometimes, but I believe in him and know he has what it takes.
Tyler Z.: My newest Little. I think he is another person who is the future of Phi Psi. I think he is finally getting settled in, and I believe he will be President one day. He has the drive, the motivation, the determination, the values, the sight that Phi Psi will need. I am sad that I will not be able to see it, but I know he will take Phi Psi to the next level. He is the embodiment of what it takes to be a brother.
Though my colors Blue and Silver will not be passed down. I know they will live on. They have changed my life, they have made me whole, they have given me a new life.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
You know you're Indian when...:-)
- Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
- You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing.
- You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry.
- Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
- You know what's going to happen in every Hindi movie before it happens
- Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
- Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
- Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian.
- Your parents insist you marry within your race.
- Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say "Eat it anyway. It's still good."
- When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift.
- Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chang)
- The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations or any of the rest of the furniture.
- You have rocks, sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
- You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
- You arrive one or two hours late to a party - and think it's normal.
- You recycle Wedding Gifts , Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
- All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names. (Mine is Lolus lol...)
- You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
- You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
- You live with your parents and you are 40 years old.
- You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
- You only make long distance calls after 11 p.m.
- If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight .
- You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty."
- When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
- Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
- It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
- All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
- You have drinking glasses made of steel.
- When you have Taco Bell sauce stocked up in your glove compartment or pantry, or any other place where you can store sauce.
- When there is a sale on toilet papers, you buy 100 rolls.
- You talk to Americans as if you represent your whole country.
- The stove top in your house is covered with aluminum foil.
- You run to the store in your lungi (pajamas).
- You are compelled to visit ever major city in US, just so as to say that "Yes I have been there "
- The smoke detector goes off whenever you are cooking dinner.
- You have postponed buying answering machine because the computer you are planning to buy six months later has in built answering machine.
- You start spelling your name to the operator like R as in Rainbow, A as in apple , M as in monkey ...well you get the idea
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Random Thoughts
1. I really hate the term next in referring to dates. Let's hang out next Thursday. What the hell does that mean? Some people might see that, and be like "Oh, ok well two days from now is Thursday, so we will hang out then." Others, including myself, might think well this Thursday is only two days away, its already on the docker and radar, so NEXT Thursday must mean the Thursday following that is not in the immediate future. This is very upsetting. It has caused way too many problems for me. I have decided to abolish the term next.
2. I was driving down the road minding my own business, and I saw some pigeons on the road. I think that they will move once I get close enough. 100 ft...50ft...10ft...0ft...NOTHING! The damn things did not move. They went right under my car, and who knows if I flipping killed them. It serves them right though. WE HAD A DEAL! We let them perch on our statues and shit on our sidewalks, the least they can do is get off our roads when we are driving.
3. I love things that shatter. When I am stressed, I take ice cubes and throw them against the walls. Very therapeutic. Also when I see glass buildings, my first thought immediately goes to how cool it would be too see it explode, shatter into a million pieces and rain down upon the people below. Of course I would not want anyone to get hurt, but still it would be really cool!
4. English muffins are delicious.
5. I hate when people tell me to turn off the water when I am brushing my teeth. I like fricking having the water on, and I will continue to do so. I enjoy the sound, and I am incapable of brushing my teeth without it spilling out of my mouth (I have trouble of keeping things in my mouth). I do not like stains, just whatever...
6. OK, I am sick of these Obama-MLK-Lincoln comparisons. The first time the comparisons came up, I saw it in a couple of editorial cartoons and I respected it. However, at this point, I’m literally sick of it. Is Barack not his own man? To that end, can Obama please stop using Lincoln and MLK as additives to ligitimize his presidency? I’m done with the comparisons ugh.
7. I saw my first public Snuggie the other day. I was quite amazed. I still do not understand this contraption, so I shall have to hold my tongue...it seems a lot better than that Croc bullshit.
2. I was driving down the road minding my own business, and I saw some pigeons on the road. I think that they will move once I get close enough. 100 ft...50ft...10ft...0ft...NOTHING! The damn things did not move. They went right under my car, and who knows if I flipping killed them. It serves them right though. WE HAD A DEAL! We let them perch on our statues and shit on our sidewalks, the least they can do is get off our roads when we are driving.
3. I love things that shatter. When I am stressed, I take ice cubes and throw them against the walls. Very therapeutic. Also when I see glass buildings, my first thought immediately goes to how cool it would be too see it explode, shatter into a million pieces and rain down upon the people below. Of course I would not want anyone to get hurt, but still it would be really cool!
4. English muffins are delicious.
5. I hate when people tell me to turn off the water when I am brushing my teeth. I like fricking having the water on, and I will continue to do so. I enjoy the sound, and I am incapable of brushing my teeth without it spilling out of my mouth (I have trouble of keeping things in my mouth). I do not like stains, just whatever...
6. OK, I am sick of these Obama-MLK-Lincoln comparisons. The first time the comparisons came up, I saw it in a couple of editorial cartoons and I respected it. However, at this point, I’m literally sick of it. Is Barack not his own man? To that end, can Obama please stop using Lincoln and MLK as additives to ligitimize his presidency? I’m done with the comparisons ugh.
7. I saw my first public Snuggie the other day. I was quite amazed. I still do not understand this contraption, so I shall have to hold my tongue...it seems a lot better than that Croc bullshit.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Man's Search for Meaning
"Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedom -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
It is all about attitude. It is all about accepting who you are, and owning it. If anyone wants to be content with life, they have to content with themselves first.
Things happen in life. No one promised an easy life. No one promised a life without strife, hurt, pain, anguish. One thing that has been promised, is that the human spirit is resilient. Nothing can shatter it because it is beyond material strife we might endure. Its only weakness, though, is that it is only as powerful as one wishes it to be. I have the power, you have the power, we ALL have the power to choose our emotions, to choose how we deal with any situation.
In the past year or so I have lost my grandpa, dad, had a very close cousin deported with another one on the way, had four relatives in the hospital in dire condition including my Mom, had dream for 22 years go unfulfilled, and I could keep going. This is not a woe-upon me blog, because the whole point I want to get across is that I have to answer for my life. It is true that I believe I have had some rough stuff happen to me as of late, or even my entire life. When it is end of my life, it is I that must answer for my life. The only answer that I can give life, is to show them my own life. I do not wish to answer that question that I gave up, that I got down on myself, that I lost my passion or drive or motivation.
So what to do then when you are bogged down by the weightiness of life? We cannot change our life, we cannot change the hand we have been dealt. Instead we have to change ourselves. If the situation we are in, if the life we are living cannot be changed, then we HAVE to change ourselves.
Only after going through this can one be a role model, can one really be at the top echelon on humanity. Anything that is destined to give light, must also endure the burning. Remember once you find a reason "why" to live, you can endure almost any "how."
It is all about attitude. It is all about accepting who you are, and owning it. If anyone wants to be content with life, they have to content with themselves first.
Things happen in life. No one promised an easy life. No one promised a life without strife, hurt, pain, anguish. One thing that has been promised, is that the human spirit is resilient. Nothing can shatter it because it is beyond material strife we might endure. Its only weakness, though, is that it is only as powerful as one wishes it to be. I have the power, you have the power, we ALL have the power to choose our emotions, to choose how we deal with any situation.
In the past year or so I have lost my grandpa, dad, had a very close cousin deported with another one on the way, had four relatives in the hospital in dire condition including my Mom, had dream for 22 years go unfulfilled, and I could keep going. This is not a woe-upon me blog, because the whole point I want to get across is that I have to answer for my life. It is true that I believe I have had some rough stuff happen to me as of late, or even my entire life. When it is end of my life, it is I that must answer for my life. The only answer that I can give life, is to show them my own life. I do not wish to answer that question that I gave up, that I got down on myself, that I lost my passion or drive or motivation.
So what to do then when you are bogged down by the weightiness of life? We cannot change our life, we cannot change the hand we have been dealt. Instead we have to change ourselves. If the situation we are in, if the life we are living cannot be changed, then we HAVE to change ourselves.
Only after going through this can one be a role model, can one really be at the top echelon on humanity. Anything that is destined to give light, must also endure the burning. Remember once you find a reason "why" to live, you can endure almost any "how."
Saturday, July 18, 2009
In the mood for a melody, and you've got me feeling alright
Duty. Duty over happiness. Duty over fun. Duty over pleasure.
This is definitely a motto I live by in my life. It is not a common motto in America I know. Even in the U.S. Constitution it says "pursuit of happiness." I am very grateful to be in America, and I appreciate all that it has given me and my family.
I, however, have not let really become a focus in my life. A lot of my friends have never really understood that I think. I never considered myself an American, and it is not necessarily an insult to America. I simply do not accept the American culture as my culture. It is very true that outwardly I act like any American. I really believe deep down though I have kept the values and morals of my ancestors from India.
It is not that my values and ethics are better than anyone else. They are just different. I believe that I need to fulfill my duty to my family, to my parents, to my religion, to my friends above anything. Valor and honor and ethics are what guides and sheds light on my life. In the Indian culture, they teach you that your first duty is to your parents because they are the ones that gave you life and sustenance, they are the ones that God chose to raise you. The next duty is to your family, to ensure that everything you do brings honor to them. Your family is your identity, you are just a piece of the puzzle, and if you do not do your duty, then the puzzle shall be incomplete. Finally, the next duty is to religion and God. I have a purpose and reason for being it, it is my duty to figure it out and live my life accordingly.
Helping people see and fulfill their potential is my duty I believe. I am here to help people feel whole and not incomplete. I am here for people's wellness: physical, mental, and spiritual. I am not boasting by any means. I think there is a lot of value in understanding where you are and what you want to do in this world. I think, in fact, it is imperative.
Notice though, that I never mentioned myself. There is not much room for it. Being an individual is very much a western concept. Identity is shaped by who you are and what you achieve. In my culture, though, identity is your parents, complete and utter service and subservience to them. Identity is your family, complete and utter service and subservience to them. Identity is God, complete and utter service and subservience to your religion and duty. A good person in this culture, a successful person in this culture is one who follows this model. A successful person in America though is one who is cunning and can use their talents for social mobility.
Social mobility. Another interesting concept that I definitely think differs in the cultures. One uses his talents and connections to gain social mobility in America. Again, like I mentioned before, this is not a wrong choice, just different to my own. Social mobility in my culture is gained and accessed by how well you are performing your duty. If someone is not taking care of their parents no matter how unfair it might be, they are not performing their duty and thus they are not worthy of any praise.
So, where am I going with any of this. I think all of the above definitely defines me. My friends see that I am not necessarily the most cheerful person or am not actively searching means for happiness. This is true, but the above is the reason why. I am happy when I am fulfilling my duty. It is not easy, and it is not the same happiness that one gets from the "American" search for happiness. I get happiness in the form of satisfaction while others gain happiness from the form of pleasure.
Well that is it for now. I could keep going, but I keep getting yelled at for the length of my posts lol.
This is definitely a motto I live by in my life. It is not a common motto in America I know. Even in the U.S. Constitution it says "pursuit of happiness." I am very grateful to be in America, and I appreciate all that it has given me and my family.
I, however, have not let really become a focus in my life. A lot of my friends have never really understood that I think. I never considered myself an American, and it is not necessarily an insult to America. I simply do not accept the American culture as my culture. It is very true that outwardly I act like any American. I really believe deep down though I have kept the values and morals of my ancestors from India.
It is not that my values and ethics are better than anyone else. They are just different. I believe that I need to fulfill my duty to my family, to my parents, to my religion, to my friends above anything. Valor and honor and ethics are what guides and sheds light on my life. In the Indian culture, they teach you that your first duty is to your parents because they are the ones that gave you life and sustenance, they are the ones that God chose to raise you. The next duty is to your family, to ensure that everything you do brings honor to them. Your family is your identity, you are just a piece of the puzzle, and if you do not do your duty, then the puzzle shall be incomplete. Finally, the next duty is to religion and God. I have a purpose and reason for being it, it is my duty to figure it out and live my life accordingly.
Helping people see and fulfill their potential is my duty I believe. I am here to help people feel whole and not incomplete. I am here for people's wellness: physical, mental, and spiritual. I am not boasting by any means. I think there is a lot of value in understanding where you are and what you want to do in this world. I think, in fact, it is imperative.
Notice though, that I never mentioned myself. There is not much room for it. Being an individual is very much a western concept. Identity is shaped by who you are and what you achieve. In my culture, though, identity is your parents, complete and utter service and subservience to them. Identity is your family, complete and utter service and subservience to them. Identity is God, complete and utter service and subservience to your religion and duty. A good person in this culture, a successful person in this culture is one who follows this model. A successful person in America though is one who is cunning and can use their talents for social mobility.
Social mobility. Another interesting concept that I definitely think differs in the cultures. One uses his talents and connections to gain social mobility in America. Again, like I mentioned before, this is not a wrong choice, just different to my own. Social mobility in my culture is gained and accessed by how well you are performing your duty. If someone is not taking care of their parents no matter how unfair it might be, they are not performing their duty and thus they are not worthy of any praise.
So, where am I going with any of this. I think all of the above definitely defines me. My friends see that I am not necessarily the most cheerful person or am not actively searching means for happiness. This is true, but the above is the reason why. I am happy when I am fulfilling my duty. It is not easy, and it is not the same happiness that one gets from the "American" search for happiness. I get happiness in the form of satisfaction while others gain happiness from the form of pleasure.
Well that is it for now. I could keep going, but I keep getting yelled at for the length of my posts lol.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
New Beginnings
Yeah, so I tried to wait a whole week to update my blog, but obviously I am already hooked that I cannot wait :-).
I got into my Master's Program at IUN. Very exciting. I will be getting a Master's of Public Affairs with a concentration in Health Services Administration. It is a two year program, so maybe I will get an internship or something. I want to be a senator one day, so this will be a great stepping stone I think. Who knows, maybe I will want to do law after going through this program.
It is a little bittersweet though since I still want to go to medical school and become a doctor. Being waitlisted sucks, but hopefully medical school will still come. I truly believe that I am destined to be a doctor. If not next year, then I guess I will have to wait a few more years.
I also applied for a few jobs. I am hoping to work about 20 hours a week and also go to school. Need to bolster my applications as well as I want to get some real life experience under my belt. I am thinking either a job at a hospital or maybe with a campaign. Hell maybe even both!
One thing I have been noticing as of late is that I cannot fit into a mold. I have always been the type of person never to have one group of friends. It kills me if my life ever moves in that direction. I always have several different outlets of friends that I can go to when I am feeling confined by another. It is not that I do not appreciate each of my friends, but I feel like I cannot relate entirely to any group of friends.
I am a multi-faceted person like anyone, but I am slightly different in that I only show certain faces to certain people. No one has ever really seen the full me because I never show it to anyone. I think I have a fear of someone understanding me. I think it correlates with my fear of losing people.
Theresa helped me realize that today actually, that I have a fear of losing those around me. I can definitely understand that and where I might have gotten those sentiments (another story, another time). I think if someone understands me and what really goes through my mind, they will be freaked out and not want to be close with me anymore. I have tried to let some people understand me more and more, but I do feel isolated more then. I understand myself more and understand my purpose better.
We all are searching for some kind of semblance of stability and reassurance, so I do not think I am special in the above sentiments. Sometimes I believe I am special and that I go above and beyond to understand others, but othertimes I think maybe others are trying to understand me and I just will not let them. That or maybe what I believe my mission in life is compels me to push the limit more than the regular person might.
So where exactly am I going with this you might ask? As I am starting my new beginning, I have also decided that I need to let go of the past to some extent. I am so focused on trying to make parts of my past continue to be parts of my present. I am searching for those life-long relationships and companions that understand me. I believe I do have those relationships obviously especially being in Phi Psi, but maybe its not there I need to be looking more.
I think it is time I grew up even more. I am becoming closer with friends and people from my "church," and I believe this is good. I need to ground myself. I need to make connections with those that will help stabilize me, that will understand my reason and drive for life and will support me in that manner. I definitely think my friends could be a part of that, but I do not think I can search for it there anymore. If it comes, it comes, if not then I will need to try and not get hopes up so high.
Anyway that is enough for one blog, and this is by no means saying I do not love and am not extremely grateful for my friends :-)
I got into my Master's Program at IUN. Very exciting. I will be getting a Master's of Public Affairs with a concentration in Health Services Administration. It is a two year program, so maybe I will get an internship or something. I want to be a senator one day, so this will be a great stepping stone I think. Who knows, maybe I will want to do law after going through this program.
It is a little bittersweet though since I still want to go to medical school and become a doctor. Being waitlisted sucks, but hopefully medical school will still come. I truly believe that I am destined to be a doctor. If not next year, then I guess I will have to wait a few more years.
I also applied for a few jobs. I am hoping to work about 20 hours a week and also go to school. Need to bolster my applications as well as I want to get some real life experience under my belt. I am thinking either a job at a hospital or maybe with a campaign. Hell maybe even both!
One thing I have been noticing as of late is that I cannot fit into a mold. I have always been the type of person never to have one group of friends. It kills me if my life ever moves in that direction. I always have several different outlets of friends that I can go to when I am feeling confined by another. It is not that I do not appreciate each of my friends, but I feel like I cannot relate entirely to any group of friends.
I am a multi-faceted person like anyone, but I am slightly different in that I only show certain faces to certain people. No one has ever really seen the full me because I never show it to anyone. I think I have a fear of someone understanding me. I think it correlates with my fear of losing people.
Theresa helped me realize that today actually, that I have a fear of losing those around me. I can definitely understand that and where I might have gotten those sentiments (another story, another time). I think if someone understands me and what really goes through my mind, they will be freaked out and not want to be close with me anymore. I have tried to let some people understand me more and more, but I do feel isolated more then. I understand myself more and understand my purpose better.
We all are searching for some kind of semblance of stability and reassurance, so I do not think I am special in the above sentiments. Sometimes I believe I am special and that I go above and beyond to understand others, but othertimes I think maybe others are trying to understand me and I just will not let them. That or maybe what I believe my mission in life is compels me to push the limit more than the regular person might.
So where exactly am I going with this you might ask? As I am starting my new beginning, I have also decided that I need to let go of the past to some extent. I am so focused on trying to make parts of my past continue to be parts of my present. I am searching for those life-long relationships and companions that understand me. I believe I do have those relationships obviously especially being in Phi Psi, but maybe its not there I need to be looking more.
I think it is time I grew up even more. I am becoming closer with friends and people from my "church," and I believe this is good. I need to ground myself. I need to make connections with those that will help stabilize me, that will understand my reason and drive for life and will support me in that manner. I definitely think my friends could be a part of that, but I do not think I can search for it there anymore. If it comes, it comes, if not then I will need to try and not get hopes up so high.
Anyway that is enough for one blog, and this is by no means saying I do not love and am not extremely grateful for my friends :-)
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
A Day in My Life
Ok, so this is my first time ever bloggng. Decided to give this a try. I guess I will just go through my week :-).
Friday:
Friday was a good day. Two of my favorite cousins came over for brunch. Talked to them for a while. I feel really bad for them because they have been trying to have a baby for years and just does not seem to work. They really would be great parents though. Made me start thinking about my own family. I want responsibility. I want someone to take care of and have a parternship with. I think I want to get married sometimes because I want support. I feel like I am a support to a lot of people, but often times I am lacking that same support. Given what I believe my purpose in life is, I do not forsee me getting the same kind of support. This is fine of course, I am not complaining because I really do believe that tis is my calling, to be that support for others while helping them realize their true potential. Given all this, I often lose my energy very quickly. People often wonder why I am always thinking or drained. I am very introverted, so I need my time to recharge. I often m always wondering about other people and their issues or problems.
Anyway enough about that ranting. I know that I am not ready to get married, but that kind of support is something that I am definitely looking forward to. I took my Mom out to get groceries and other errands after that. I really do not mind taking my Mom everywhere because she cannot drive, but I really wish my brother stepped it up more. I feel like I make a lot of sacrifices and trying to be the Head of the House when it hould be more him because he is older. Have to keep the family together though. I am worried about him, but all we can do is pray and keep trying to keep everything on the right path.
After all this I drove down to Purdue to meet up with Brian, Joe, Spencer, Ronnie, Garret, and Evan. I was a REALLY good time. We went to Spagheddis and ate dinner there. Joe is a hoot. He has not changed a bit. Always joking and having a good time. You CANNOT smile and be happy when you are around him. He's more than just jokes though, one of the most intellectual, down the Earth guys I know. People just do not ever take the time to get to know him like I have had the priviledge to. That is a problem with our fraternity I think, so many of the relationships are very superficial in the sense that people bond over jokes and drinking. That is great and always fun times, but there is value in really getting to know someone. I really believe that I made the most of that. I could not forge that type of relationship wth every brother, but I believe I can rival most brothers in forming the most lasting relationships.
It was so great to see all the other brothers as well. It was so fun that we sat there and talked for two hours. Afterwards we drove for an hour trying to find the Phi Psi House at Purdue only to find it closed :-/. It was still an adventure trying to find it. I had to call like 20 people in my phone book trying to find it, even people I have not talked to in years lol. The house was very cool though, seems like much more than 3 million, the reported cost of the new house. Ronnie was in my car most of the time. Really great talking to him. Ronnie is one of the most supportive friends I have, and though he does not always express it, I know he knows me better than most of my friend. He truly understands me and my emotions.
After that I went home, and began watching the Tudors. Pretty good show, not as good as Rome or True Blood, but nevertheless entertaining. I went to bed around 4 AM, a great end to an amazing night with my brothers.
Saturday:
Saturday was pretty boring throughout the day. Just showered and did random errands and what not. It was Khushalyi, a religious holiday, so we went to Khane ("Church") in the evening. My Mom's legs and arms were bothering her, plus it was going to be like 2 hours long, so we decided to go late. After getting there we took my cousins, Alia and Alisha, to Devon where we met people for Indian Food. Very good times, though I have never been more irritated with children. I have NEVER heard voices like those little monsters. I actually at one point turned around and yelled at them. All of them were pretty shocked because I am surprisingly very timid and quiet at home.
We had to drop my cousins off on the South Side after dinner and did not get home till about 1 AM. I was very tired, but decided to watch some more Tudors. Getting less and less impressed, have to say...
Sunday:
Sunday was actually pretty fun. One of my cousins came over for lunch and brought some good food. Just snacked on that since I was going to Sarah's Graduation party later on. Amanda picked me up around 5, and then we picked up Mirjana before we headed over to Sarah's. It was actually a really good time. It was nice hanging out with the old gang, catching up, making fun of old times. Always a good time. I miss having friends to do that with, old friends that have known me for years rather than just a few.
I was really tired after I got back, so I went to bed "early" by like 1 lol.
Monday:
I woke up on Monday, packed my things, dropped my Mom off at work, and then headed to Indy! I made alright time, about 2.5 hours from Chicago. Brady and I hung out for a while at his place. Nice talking to him and catching up. Its been three weeks since I've really had a chance to talk to him. He's become really busy and does not have as much time anymore. Understandable, especially since I taught him to be this way lol, but yeah, he will do great things. Sad I cannot be there to see it all.
After that we went to Hooters and Tatum had dinner with us. Wings were decent, not as good as I remember them to be. I dropped Brady off after that and went to Nick's soccer game. Tatum and Derek are both on crutches, and I feel bad for them but it is also very comical. It is fun times, especially since I just ask Alicia for random soccer terms to yell at the people. Nick is always saying random stuff, so I laugh and mock him... in a nice way of course :-).
Went to Ritters with D-go and Alicia after then, then over to D-gos to smoke hookah with them and watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I just spend the night there on their amazing couch :-).
Tuesday:
I woke up on Tuesday, and went to Housing after I showered and got ready. I gave Vicky her present from Africa, and I think she really liked it. We talked about Housing stuff, and it was nice to hear about all the new stuff. I miss my time as an RA a lot, but glad to hear that things are going well. All my little ones will definitely enjoy their experience.
I made Nick go to Jimmy Johns with me afterwards, though he refused time and time again. I went to the House after that and had a great time though. Just shot the breeze with a few of the brothers and then played Smash Bros. Joe and I were the only ones of the original crew, but it was still lots of fun. Jiggly puff battles, battle of the Roys, and WELCOME BACK!
Brady and I then went and got some delicious Thai Food at his favorite one in Broad Ripple. A lot more people were supposed to come, but they all bailed like douches. It was still fun though. We went and hung out at the house them, where McGee and Nasty came by. It was good to see them after a long time.
Went and saw Harry Potter after that. I decided I really liked the first two hours, but the last hour pissed me off...*SPOILER ALERT* I just did not like how they cut out the battle scene. I know it was not integral to the story, but it was definitely the coolest part of the book. *SPOILER ALERT*
Anyway I know it is Wednesday, but I will write about that another day!
Woot, first post finished!
We had to drop my cousins off on the South Side after dinner and did not get home till about 1 AM. I was very tired, but decided to watch some more Tudors. Getting less and less impressed, have to say...
Sunday:
Sunday was actually pretty fun. One of my cousins came over for lunch and brought some good food. Just snacked on that since I was going to Sarah's Graduation party later on. Amanda picked me up around 5, and then we picked up Mirjana before we headed over to Sarah's. It was actually a really good time. It was nice hanging out with the old gang, catching up, making fun of old times. Always a good time. I miss having friends to do that with, old friends that have known me for years rather than just a few.
I was really tired after I got back, so I went to bed "early" by like 1 lol.
Monday:
I woke up on Monday, packed my things, dropped my Mom off at work, and then headed to Indy! I made alright time, about 2.5 hours from Chicago. Brady and I hung out for a while at his place. Nice talking to him and catching up. Its been three weeks since I've really had a chance to talk to him. He's become really busy and does not have as much time anymore. Understandable, especially since I taught him to be this way lol, but yeah, he will do great things. Sad I cannot be there to see it all.
After that we went to Hooters and Tatum had dinner with us. Wings were decent, not as good as I remember them to be. I dropped Brady off after that and went to Nick's soccer game. Tatum and Derek are both on crutches, and I feel bad for them but it is also very comical. It is fun times, especially since I just ask Alicia for random soccer terms to yell at the people. Nick is always saying random stuff, so I laugh and mock him... in a nice way of course :-).
Went to Ritters with D-go and Alicia after then, then over to D-gos to smoke hookah with them and watch Mr. and Mrs. Smith. I just spend the night there on their amazing couch :-).
Tuesday:
I woke up on Tuesday, and went to Housing after I showered and got ready. I gave Vicky her present from Africa, and I think she really liked it. We talked about Housing stuff, and it was nice to hear about all the new stuff. I miss my time as an RA a lot, but glad to hear that things are going well. All my little ones will definitely enjoy their experience.
I made Nick go to Jimmy Johns with me afterwards, though he refused time and time again. I went to the House after that and had a great time though. Just shot the breeze with a few of the brothers and then played Smash Bros. Joe and I were the only ones of the original crew, but it was still lots of fun. Jiggly puff battles, battle of the Roys, and WELCOME BACK!
Brady and I then went and got some delicious Thai Food at his favorite one in Broad Ripple. A lot more people were supposed to come, but they all bailed like douches. It was still fun though. We went and hung out at the house them, where McGee and Nasty came by. It was good to see them after a long time.
Went and saw Harry Potter after that. I decided I really liked the first two hours, but the last hour pissed me off...*SPOILER ALERT* I just did not like how they cut out the battle scene. I know it was not integral to the story, but it was definitely the coolest part of the book. *SPOILER ALERT*
Anyway I know it is Wednesday, but I will write about that another day!
Woot, first post finished!
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