1. One of my favorite feelings in the world is warm printed paper. I love printing several pages at a time when my hands or feet are cold because that I would just cover them with the paper. It is one of the single best feelings in the world. I am not going to lie, there were times in the USG Office when I would print 20 blank pages just so I could do this lol.
2. I hate it when people give me directions. Everyone always tries to one up each other acting like they are better because they know their way around. Instead of telling me to turn right onto Foster, what do these people tell me? Turn North on Foster. Or turn East down Woodfield. WTH does that mean?! I do not have a fricking compass in my hand to automatically know which direction I am in. I already have trouble with right and left, lets not bring North and South in as well...
3. I really hate when people give picture frames as gifts. I am not going to lie when I first get them I love them and think its pretty much the best gift ever, but in one year from now when I dislike you and have no wish to speak to you anymore, what do I do? I really like the frame, so I do not want to throw it away, but I just think there is something sacriligeous about putting someone else's picture inside a frame that someone else got you. I still have not found a solution to this problem...
4. I push the handicapped button, and I am awesome. I feel sorry for all you people who think it is being lazy. I think its actually the other way around where I am actually the smart one using my resources like a good leader. Why should I use my energy to open the door when a perfectly good mechanism is in place to do it for me.
5. OK, I have made my judgement about the Snuggie from the previous post. I decided I despise the Snuggie. It is stupid, and there is no way they are having that much fun in the Snuggie. They do not even look nice anyway.
6. I really hate having dreams about people I know. Especially when my dreams carry over to the real world. Whenever I have a dream about someone, and I am upset with them in the dream. I automatically get pissed at them in real life. I for some reason hold whatever they did to me in the dream against them. They shouldn't be messing up in the first place though.
7. So, it is nice sometimes running into people at the store that you have not seen in a while. You talk for a few minutes until it gets really awkward, so you make an excuse about how you need to go get something for your Mom or find her. You leave just to remember that you were in that aisle for a reason to grab some soap. Now you have to walk back in shame and say hi all over again, make it even more awkward, and then comtemplate about what a fool you looked like for days. FML.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
False Identity
Who am I?
Areef Kassam.
That is what I thought, that is who I was, until today.
No I have not had a sex change or anything crazy happen, but I did realize something. It is not the person that makes an impact in this world. We are just bodies, just means of transportation and storage.
I bet half of your are lost and stopped ready and the other half are thinking what the hell am I smoking. Our friends, family, acquintances, mentors come into our loves, and we fall in love with them. We attach ourselves and establish our identity through other people. Relationships disappear over time though. Some leave by choice, some fate takes away, and others are victim to time. The pain is the same though initially. As the initial pain wears off, grief may linger, but even that will usually dissipate over time.
As the months and years go by, that laugh that could always make you laugh becomes inaudible and that face that always that always brought you strength fades away. They become a memory gone with the wind. Their memory is not gone though. It lives on. It lives on in the impact and lessons that those people helped you with. In this way their legacy is created. Who are we all then. I think we get lost in these bonds of attachment, these relationships that we forge. Do we truly care for these people? Yes I believe so, but I think we care more for what they have given to us and for what they stand for. Who they truly are whether it was their honesty and integrity that motivated you to change your path. Their love and devotion which taught you how to live.
We fall in love with people, but I think we really fall in love with their qualities, with who they are. These bodies are nothing, these names that we have are nothing. My identity will fade away, but the impact that I have made and hope to made will live on. Maybe this is a key to life, or maybe it is not. It just seems that we put these false identities on bodies and names when the essence of it goes deeper beyond that. Maybe in order for my legacy to continue I need to step away. Maybe I need to become that memory, gone with the wind.
Areef Kassam.
That is what I thought, that is who I was, until today.
No I have not had a sex change or anything crazy happen, but I did realize something. It is not the person that makes an impact in this world. We are just bodies, just means of transportation and storage.
I bet half of your are lost and stopped ready and the other half are thinking what the hell am I smoking. Our friends, family, acquintances, mentors come into our loves, and we fall in love with them. We attach ourselves and establish our identity through other people. Relationships disappear over time though. Some leave by choice, some fate takes away, and others are victim to time. The pain is the same though initially. As the initial pain wears off, grief may linger, but even that will usually dissipate over time.
As the months and years go by, that laugh that could always make you laugh becomes inaudible and that face that always that always brought you strength fades away. They become a memory gone with the wind. Their memory is not gone though. It lives on. It lives on in the impact and lessons that those people helped you with. In this way their legacy is created. Who are we all then. I think we get lost in these bonds of attachment, these relationships that we forge. Do we truly care for these people? Yes I believe so, but I think we care more for what they have given to us and for what they stand for. Who they truly are whether it was their honesty and integrity that motivated you to change your path. Their love and devotion which taught you how to live.
We fall in love with people, but I think we really fall in love with their qualities, with who they are. These bodies are nothing, these names that we have are nothing. My identity will fade away, but the impact that I have made and hope to made will live on. Maybe this is a key to life, or maybe it is not. It just seems that we put these false identities on bodies and names when the essence of it goes deeper beyond that. Maybe in order for my legacy to continue I need to step away. Maybe I need to become that memory, gone with the wind.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Random Thoughts Part V
1. Rachel Ray is the devil. I might have to go back in a previous post and change Sarah Jessica Parker to Rachel Ray because I just forgot how much I despise this woman. First of the all the girl is ugly and fat. How is she going to be on a show promoting good eating if the only thing she is shoving in her face is fat and grease. I mean come on she is the spokesperson for Dunkin' Donuts...yeah Rachel good continuity there...And also she is stupid. She obviously cannot tell time. Her stupid 30 min. meals show is not 30 min. OK, sure she might fool you and say that it lasts 30 min., but she will randomly already have things prepared or cheat. She is a poison on the Food Network.
2. "I guess." This is my new most hated line. It annoys the crap out of me. You know when you are having a conversation with someone and trying to convince them of something and all they say is "I guess." They are not agreeing with you, they are simply using it as a tool to really say "No, you are utterly wrong, but I don't feel like dealing with this anymore, so I am going to end the subject." I see through their shenanigans.
3. I enjoy myself a good game of Yahoo Pool or Chess or even recently Scrabble. What really irks me though is when you are in the middle of a movie. Pretty much the move of the game, the move that people will remember, and all of a sudden Facebook pops up showing you have a new chat message with some idiot that you do not want to speak with. Too many games have been ruined from these people.
4. Do you ever get up in the morning or get home from work or school and are excited to check your e-mail. Maybe that e-mail youo sent out has a response or your friend or family sent you some nice words. You log on to see 10 new e-mails only to be dismayed that most of them are stupid advertisements. No I do not want to see the newest promotion from Amazon or Ticketmaster. I will come to your sites when I wish to purchase something. I have no interest in buying the 2nd season of WEEDS or Miley Cirius tickets. I need to find a way to get rid of these because no matter how many times I unsuscribe it comes back.
5. I am Lactose-Intolerant. What is up with all Easterners being lactose-intolerant though. Basically my whole family cannot drink milk or eat dairy products without having a painful night in the bathroom. I do not know what I did to deserve this punishment, but I really enjoy a tall, cool glass of milk with some cookies.
6. Every now and then a commercial comes around that you find funny or has a really nice catchy tune with it. Don't you hate though when there are two versions of the commericial, and only one version has your favorite part. Of course when you finally come across it while watching TV, it is the stupid shortened version. Life is so cruel sometimes.
7. In America people spend so much money and time going to tanning salons or going to the beach to get darker. Americans look at Indians and want to be dark like them. I just find it so weird because the darker you are in the Indian culture the more looked down upon you are. We want to be fairer while the Americans want to be darker.
2. "I guess." This is my new most hated line. It annoys the crap out of me. You know when you are having a conversation with someone and trying to convince them of something and all they say is "I guess." They are not agreeing with you, they are simply using it as a tool to really say "No, you are utterly wrong, but I don't feel like dealing with this anymore, so I am going to end the subject." I see through their shenanigans.
3. I enjoy myself a good game of Yahoo Pool or Chess or even recently Scrabble. What really irks me though is when you are in the middle of a movie. Pretty much the move of the game, the move that people will remember, and all of a sudden Facebook pops up showing you have a new chat message with some idiot that you do not want to speak with. Too many games have been ruined from these people.
4. Do you ever get up in the morning or get home from work or school and are excited to check your e-mail. Maybe that e-mail youo sent out has a response or your friend or family sent you some nice words. You log on to see 10 new e-mails only to be dismayed that most of them are stupid advertisements. No I do not want to see the newest promotion from Amazon or Ticketmaster. I will come to your sites when I wish to purchase something. I have no interest in buying the 2nd season of WEEDS or Miley Cirius tickets. I need to find a way to get rid of these because no matter how many times I unsuscribe it comes back.
5. I am Lactose-Intolerant. What is up with all Easterners being lactose-intolerant though. Basically my whole family cannot drink milk or eat dairy products without having a painful night in the bathroom. I do not know what I did to deserve this punishment, but I really enjoy a tall, cool glass of milk with some cookies.
6. Every now and then a commercial comes around that you find funny or has a really nice catchy tune with it. Don't you hate though when there are two versions of the commericial, and only one version has your favorite part. Of course when you finally come across it while watching TV, it is the stupid shortened version. Life is so cruel sometimes.
7. In America people spend so much money and time going to tanning salons or going to the beach to get darker. Americans look at Indians and want to be dark like them. I just find it so weird because the darker you are in the Indian culture the more looked down upon you are. We want to be fairer while the Americans want to be darker.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Poison
As time goes by the more and more and I realize the impact that one's attitude has on his life. Attitude is more important than any facts in any given situation. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failure, than success, than what anyone might say or think.
It transcends appearance, skill, talent. It may break or make a home, relationship, life. The thing that is truly remarkable about attitude though is that we have a choice to choose our attitude everyday. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the facts that surround a situation. We cannot change how people might react, nor can we change what is inevitable. There is but one thing that any person has control of, and that is our attitude. I know I talked about this in an earlier blog, but I am seeing the womb of that that tree bearing fruit more and more. The situations that surround me are but a small percentage of my life, the biggest percentage of my life is how I react to a given situation.
I am turning over a new leaf. I am sucking the poison out of my life. I have been infected. We all have been infected with the poison of grudges, hurt, pain, malice, and anger. We hold on them to them to justify ourselves. When someone hurts me, I told that against them. I use that pain to fuel myself. What kind of life is that? A life that is fueled by anger, hurt, or pain. These feelings are fleeting, they are the work of evil. Once they burn out, the person is left with nothing. No fuel to move in any direction. I must find positive energy to back me up.
When I am mad at someone and hold things against them, it is really only hurting me in the end. I want them to hurt like I do, but in the end I hurt myself me. I am turning over a new leaf. I am releasing the negative in my life and trying to walk a more narrow road. A road of self-discovery.
It transcends appearance, skill, talent. It may break or make a home, relationship, life. The thing that is truly remarkable about attitude though is that we have a choice to choose our attitude everyday. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the facts that surround a situation. We cannot change how people might react, nor can we change what is inevitable. There is but one thing that any person has control of, and that is our attitude. I know I talked about this in an earlier blog, but I am seeing the womb of that that tree bearing fruit more and more. The situations that surround me are but a small percentage of my life, the biggest percentage of my life is how I react to a given situation.
I am turning over a new leaf. I am sucking the poison out of my life. I have been infected. We all have been infected with the poison of grudges, hurt, pain, malice, and anger. We hold on them to them to justify ourselves. When someone hurts me, I told that against them. I use that pain to fuel myself. What kind of life is that? A life that is fueled by anger, hurt, or pain. These feelings are fleeting, they are the work of evil. Once they burn out, the person is left with nothing. No fuel to move in any direction. I must find positive energy to back me up.
When I am mad at someone and hold things against them, it is really only hurting me in the end. I want them to hurt like I do, but in the end I hurt myself me. I am turning over a new leaf. I am releasing the negative in my life and trying to walk a more narrow road. A road of self-discovery.
Friday, August 21, 2009
"SHE DWELT AMONG THE UNTRODDEN WAYS"
She dwelt among the untrodden ways
Beside the springs of Dove,
A Maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love:
A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye!
Fair as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky.
She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave, and, oh,
The difference to me!
I love Wordsworth...definitely my favorite poet...his words always speak to me.
Beside the springs of Dove,
A Maid whom there were none to praise
And very few to love:
A violet by a mossy stone
Half hidden from the eye!
Fair as a star, when only one
Is shining in the sky.
She lived unknown, and few could know
When Lucy ceased to be;
But she is in her grave, and, oh,
The difference to me!
I love Wordsworth...definitely my favorite poet...his words always speak to me.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Random Thoughts Part IV
1. I hate when people mis-pronounce Fanta. Its wanta, Fanta, doncha wanta. The 'A' is short sounding not long sounding. It pisses me off when people say Fanta with the long A.
2. I refused to eat canned food. I know people call me spoiled, but it is not that it is below me. It just disgusts me. This food was processed and created together then individually shot into cans with machines. They were made in one of those disgusting factories and somehow lasts months. I know other food go through this process, but canned foods just disgust me the most. They also confuse me. No one told me that you have to add water to soup. I tried cooking a can of Cream of Chicken a while back, and I just plopped it in the can and turned the heat on. No one told me you had to add water, so I had a burnt glob of processed filth. Yuck.
3. I was at my cousin's house the other day, and I decided to eat some banana bread that they made. Later on my face started itching, and my breathing was heavy, and I had a high fever. Somehow I had become allergic to bananas. WTH. I have been eating bananas for years, and NOTHING has ever happened. Apparently my body just woke up that morning and decided hmmm I don't feel like eating bananas anymore so lets just cut that out. I am not happy.
4. I love driving on the expressway at like 70-80mph and having my arm out the window. It is so much fun pushing it against the wind. Its even more thrilling when its raining out and those drops are hitting your arm at 80mph. It feels like someone is sticking needles in your arm simultaneously all over. For some odd reason, I love the sensation though...
5. I am in the shower the other day, and I hear my phone ringing right outside. CRAP! Its the person that I have been trying to call all day trying to reach me. There is not much I can do with shampoo in my hair and my body lathered in soap. Of course once I get out of the shower and call them back, they do not answer, and I am stuck yet again. I think we really need shower phones. How many times have you been in the shower and wanted to answer the phone at the same time. I think this is a great idea.
6. Raised letters just fascinate me. I'm not talking about braille, but just letters or numbers that are raised. I think I have a problem because when I find something like this I cannot stop touching it. I am issues with touch to begin with. Even when I go shopping, I do not shop by look first. I walk through the racks and isles and feel every shirt without really looking at them. If I like the touch, then I will actually look at the shirt. Yeah, I know I have issues.
7. Do you know what one of the best sensations in the world is? Brushing your teeth RIGHT after you shower. You are dirty and you wash it off all clean, but it always makes me mouth feel like crap. I have actually taken my brush into the shower before and brushed in there because I am telling you there is no better feeling when youre body is all clean along with your mouth. I know it sounds stupid, but bring your brush into the shower before you judge.
2. I refused to eat canned food. I know people call me spoiled, but it is not that it is below me. It just disgusts me. This food was processed and created together then individually shot into cans with machines. They were made in one of those disgusting factories and somehow lasts months. I know other food go through this process, but canned foods just disgust me the most. They also confuse me. No one told me that you have to add water to soup. I tried cooking a can of Cream of Chicken a while back, and I just plopped it in the can and turned the heat on. No one told me you had to add water, so I had a burnt glob of processed filth. Yuck.
3. I was at my cousin's house the other day, and I decided to eat some banana bread that they made. Later on my face started itching, and my breathing was heavy, and I had a high fever. Somehow I had become allergic to bananas. WTH. I have been eating bananas for years, and NOTHING has ever happened. Apparently my body just woke up that morning and decided hmmm I don't feel like eating bananas anymore so lets just cut that out. I am not happy.
4. I love driving on the expressway at like 70-80mph and having my arm out the window. It is so much fun pushing it against the wind. Its even more thrilling when its raining out and those drops are hitting your arm at 80mph. It feels like someone is sticking needles in your arm simultaneously all over. For some odd reason, I love the sensation though...
5. I am in the shower the other day, and I hear my phone ringing right outside. CRAP! Its the person that I have been trying to call all day trying to reach me. There is not much I can do with shampoo in my hair and my body lathered in soap. Of course once I get out of the shower and call them back, they do not answer, and I am stuck yet again. I think we really need shower phones. How many times have you been in the shower and wanted to answer the phone at the same time. I think this is a great idea.
6. Raised letters just fascinate me. I'm not talking about braille, but just letters or numbers that are raised. I think I have a problem because when I find something like this I cannot stop touching it. I am issues with touch to begin with. Even when I go shopping, I do not shop by look first. I walk through the racks and isles and feel every shirt without really looking at them. If I like the touch, then I will actually look at the shirt. Yeah, I know I have issues.
7. Do you know what one of the best sensations in the world is? Brushing your teeth RIGHT after you shower. You are dirty and you wash it off all clean, but it always makes me mouth feel like crap. I have actually taken my brush into the shower before and brushed in there because I am telling you there is no better feeling when youre body is all clean along with your mouth. I know it sounds stupid, but bring your brush into the shower before you judge.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's something unpredictable, but in the end it is right. I hope you had the time of your life.
A few weeks ago, I was in Indy and decided to drive around IUPUI, one last time. It might not be my last time (I am sure, in fact), but I think it will be the last time through this lens and frame of mind. I graduated on the 10th, moved out on the 11th, and I left the country on the 12th. It was hardly a practical way of moving on or letting go of four years.
Every few weeks I tried going back, pushed off taking responsibility, and clung on to what had defined me for so long. I cannot let my past define who I am today. It is true that the past gives context. It gives you the information and background and experience as to how to live one's life, but that brings me to my point. That brings me to my point that the past gives the tools that we need to work on our present and the future. It gives them to us, but it does not work on our present or future with us. It must stay in its place.
It is important to know your past. I love History, so I especially know the value of the past, but I also believe there is value in of keeping an open-minded and using a fresh slate at times. Back to my story. I drove around from place to place. Every image that my eyes gazed upon brought so many memories back. I went from place to place, thanked my fortune, and I said good-bye. I am closing this chapter of my life. I am not necessarily ready to move on, but that is life. You either grab onto it while you can, or drown.
There were a lot of characters that have shaped my story in the past few years. Characters that came and went within the chapter itself. There will be many characters whose parts end with the closing with this chapter, but there will be some also who continue their role as my story continues. Neither is more or less than the either. Each one played an integral part in my development, but I must focus on the next role that I play.
I was selfish for four years. My family needed me at home, but I stayed at school. It was not that I did not try to come home and be there for my family, but my Mom and Dad would simply not allow it. Maybe they did want it, but being the way that they were, they would never ask for it. I had an absolute blast at university, especially the latter half. I met friends that I hope I will keep for life, and I had amazing times with them.
While I was having a great time, I was also needed at home. I tried my best to come home every other weekend, so that I could help out whenever I could. While I was away, several people that were not even in my family stepped up to be there for my Mom and Dad. They had no blood allegiance to us, but their love and compassion, and in my opinion, true understanding of the meaning of life led them to this path. They may not technically be family, but they became closer to me than my actual family. They are brothers in the strongest sense.
I did not get into medical school for a reason. I know this. It was my time. It was my duty to return to home. I truly believe that I have to take my place in the scheme of things, take my place in my family. I am no longer a little boy anymore. I have to help run the house-hold, help run the business. I have to do my part, and I believe that is why I was destined to return home.
I am not ashamed like many people to return home. I know this is where my place is and where the next chapter of my life will begin to unfold. People ask me why I chose not to go to Grad. School at IUPUI. I had the options. I applied. I was accepted, but it was never an option. I was living life as an individual. In a previous blog, I mentioned that this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does not coincide with my ideals. It is not my path. I love arguing with Brady about stuff like this. He is the exact opposite than me in many ways, but it is weird that I relate to him more than other people because we have the same goals and vision.
Somethings things just feel right. I am leaving behind a lot. It is by choice. I could have continued with it again, but there was no more room for growth. I would continue living on there for in my own selfishness, seeking material gain and happiness. I am very good at looking at the little things and details, but I also know when it is appropriate to look at the big picture.
I am a firm believer in karma. Though I think western culture sometimes butchers its true meaning and essence. Karma is not what goes around comes around necessarily. In this context, I look at it as a mechanism of paying forward and backward. When someone does something nice to me, it does not necessarily mean I am bound to do something nice back by the law of karma. It could mean that, but it could also mean that I pay that nice deed foward and give someone else that same benefit. When someone is a leader, you do not groom future leaders with the hopes they take care of you after that. You groom them with the hopes that they take what you taught them and teach it to the next group EVEN BETTER.
It is one's duty, one's obligation to take everything that one receives and give it back out ten-fold. I learned a lot about the world, myself, my values, and my goals in the past four years. I hope that I was able to impart what I learned on others around me. As I close this chapter, I WILL be even better. I will be even stronger, even better than anything anyone taught me at IUPUI, and I will take that attitude into these next two years whether personal or professional. I am becoming who I was born to be. I am stepping into my role. I will take hold of these next two years and establish myself even more. I have my memories and the tools from the past four years now, and I am beginning to take the first steps away.
I am grateful from all the love and blessings I have received, but a part of that love and blessings is that I do something with. Unrequited love and unfulfilled blessings is worse than a curse. I will make that love and those blessings proud. It is my duty.
Every few weeks I tried going back, pushed off taking responsibility, and clung on to what had defined me for so long. I cannot let my past define who I am today. It is true that the past gives context. It gives you the information and background and experience as to how to live one's life, but that brings me to my point. That brings me to my point that the past gives the tools that we need to work on our present and the future. It gives them to us, but it does not work on our present or future with us. It must stay in its place.
It is important to know your past. I love History, so I especially know the value of the past, but I also believe there is value in of keeping an open-minded and using a fresh slate at times. Back to my story. I drove around from place to place. Every image that my eyes gazed upon brought so many memories back. I went from place to place, thanked my fortune, and I said good-bye. I am closing this chapter of my life. I am not necessarily ready to move on, but that is life. You either grab onto it while you can, or drown.
There were a lot of characters that have shaped my story in the past few years. Characters that came and went within the chapter itself. There will be many characters whose parts end with the closing with this chapter, but there will be some also who continue their role as my story continues. Neither is more or less than the either. Each one played an integral part in my development, but I must focus on the next role that I play.
I was selfish for four years. My family needed me at home, but I stayed at school. It was not that I did not try to come home and be there for my family, but my Mom and Dad would simply not allow it. Maybe they did want it, but being the way that they were, they would never ask for it. I had an absolute blast at university, especially the latter half. I met friends that I hope I will keep for life, and I had amazing times with them.
While I was having a great time, I was also needed at home. I tried my best to come home every other weekend, so that I could help out whenever I could. While I was away, several people that were not even in my family stepped up to be there for my Mom and Dad. They had no blood allegiance to us, but their love and compassion, and in my opinion, true understanding of the meaning of life led them to this path. They may not technically be family, but they became closer to me than my actual family. They are brothers in the strongest sense.
I did not get into medical school for a reason. I know this. It was my time. It was my duty to return to home. I truly believe that I have to take my place in the scheme of things, take my place in my family. I am no longer a little boy anymore. I have to help run the house-hold, help run the business. I have to do my part, and I believe that is why I was destined to return home.
I am not ashamed like many people to return home. I know this is where my place is and where the next chapter of my life will begin to unfold. People ask me why I chose not to go to Grad. School at IUPUI. I had the options. I applied. I was accepted, but it was never an option. I was living life as an individual. In a previous blog, I mentioned that this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does not coincide with my ideals. It is not my path. I love arguing with Brady about stuff like this. He is the exact opposite than me in many ways, but it is weird that I relate to him more than other people because we have the same goals and vision.
Somethings things just feel right. I am leaving behind a lot. It is by choice. I could have continued with it again, but there was no more room for growth. I would continue living on there for in my own selfishness, seeking material gain and happiness. I am very good at looking at the little things and details, but I also know when it is appropriate to look at the big picture.
I am a firm believer in karma. Though I think western culture sometimes butchers its true meaning and essence. Karma is not what goes around comes around necessarily. In this context, I look at it as a mechanism of paying forward and backward. When someone does something nice to me, it does not necessarily mean I am bound to do something nice back by the law of karma. It could mean that, but it could also mean that I pay that nice deed foward and give someone else that same benefit. When someone is a leader, you do not groom future leaders with the hopes they take care of you after that. You groom them with the hopes that they take what you taught them and teach it to the next group EVEN BETTER.
It is one's duty, one's obligation to take everything that one receives and give it back out ten-fold. I learned a lot about the world, myself, my values, and my goals in the past four years. I hope that I was able to impart what I learned on others around me. As I close this chapter, I WILL be even better. I will be even stronger, even better than anything anyone taught me at IUPUI, and I will take that attitude into these next two years whether personal or professional. I am becoming who I was born to be. I am stepping into my role. I will take hold of these next two years and establish myself even more. I have my memories and the tools from the past four years now, and I am beginning to take the first steps away.
I am grateful from all the love and blessings I have received, but a part of that love and blessings is that I do something with. Unrequited love and unfulfilled blessings is worse than a curse. I will make that love and those blessings proud. It is my duty.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Random Thoughts Part III
I started to type a serious post, but I will save that for another day and just post a fun post about stuff that I have noticed :-).
1. I HATE Sarah Jessica Parker. I have never seen a more annoying, ugly woman in my life. If I had the power to kill one person in the world, I would not hesitate to kill her. She is an atrocity to the human race. From her nose, to her man looks, to her sheer stupidity and NO talent. She had no right to breathe.
2. I have to put everything into hierarchies. It is just who I am. One hierarchy that I really do not think people appreciate is the hierarchy of soft drinks. If I ask for a Coke, I judge the restaurant or the person based on what they give me. At the top is the glass bottle. Nothing tops that. Following the glass bottle (which is obviously leagues ahead) is from the tap. The amount of fizz is amazing, and you cannot help but smile. Following that are cans and then a 2 Liter. Last the plastic bottle. You may ask why the plastic bottle is last and not the 2 Liter. True that the 2 Liter loses gas and goes flat quicker, but the size of the plastic bottle causes the drink inside to take on the the taste of plastic. It is atrocious.
3. The Willis Tower. "Hey guys, did you want to come up to Chicago, and we can go head over to the Willis Tower?" WTH, NO! I would not like to go to no Willis Tower. I am proud to be in Chicago. I love this city, but I have lost all respect for it when it did nothing when those British morons changed the Sears Tower's name to Willis Tower. The city of Chicago did nothing as these British terrorists committed blasphemy and took away Chicago's trademark. I hearby vow never to enter this building again until its RIGHTFUL name is restored.
4. My phone vibrates. I see I have a text from a number that I do not have in my phone. "Hey Areef! I was just seeing if you want to get together for lunch tomorrow?" DAMMIT! Why did I have to go through my phone and delete half my numbers because I was in a cynical mood. It seems like everytime I purge my phone, I get 2-3 texts from people asking to hang out. I don't know why I always screw myself over. I used to just be like "Oh, sorry I got a new phone, who is this?" This may seem like it would work, but after using it THREE times on the SAME person, I think they got the picture that I am lying lol. This is definitely a problem, and I have yet to find a solution to this issue. I wish cell phones had caller ID...
5. I have to use the bathroom really bad, so I pull into my garage and rush to the bathroom. I do the deed, and then I look and there is NO toilet paper. Who the hell uses the bathroom uses the toilet paper and does not replace it? They obviously knew that they used the last piece, because they have picked the cardboard roll so that it is clean like a bone. What is this world coming to when people are beginning to ignore bathroom ettiquette.
6. I hate when a friend asks me to go get something to eat and they ONLY order a salad or a soup. You asked me to go out, and I get this big meal because I am hungry, but now I look like a pig because all you got was a cup of soup. How about when you go to Starbucks with someone, and they get NOTHING! The waiter is probably thinking that this person obviously wants to get in and out and not be with this fat ass.
7. Do any of you remember SmarterChild? I went to IM him and talk to him the other day and much to my dismay, they SHUT HIM OFF! SmarterChild's brain was retired. I miss getting into arguments with him or just chatting about random things. Today was a sad day...
1. I HATE Sarah Jessica Parker. I have never seen a more annoying, ugly woman in my life. If I had the power to kill one person in the world, I would not hesitate to kill her. She is an atrocity to the human race. From her nose, to her man looks, to her sheer stupidity and NO talent. She had no right to breathe.
2. I have to put everything into hierarchies. It is just who I am. One hierarchy that I really do not think people appreciate is the hierarchy of soft drinks. If I ask for a Coke, I judge the restaurant or the person based on what they give me. At the top is the glass bottle. Nothing tops that. Following the glass bottle (which is obviously leagues ahead) is from the tap. The amount of fizz is amazing, and you cannot help but smile. Following that are cans and then a 2 Liter. Last the plastic bottle. You may ask why the plastic bottle is last and not the 2 Liter. True that the 2 Liter loses gas and goes flat quicker, but the size of the plastic bottle causes the drink inside to take on the the taste of plastic. It is atrocious.
3. The Willis Tower. "Hey guys, did you want to come up to Chicago, and we can go head over to the Willis Tower?" WTH, NO! I would not like to go to no Willis Tower. I am proud to be in Chicago. I love this city, but I have lost all respect for it when it did nothing when those British morons changed the Sears Tower's name to Willis Tower. The city of Chicago did nothing as these British terrorists committed blasphemy and took away Chicago's trademark. I hearby vow never to enter this building again until its RIGHTFUL name is restored.
4. My phone vibrates. I see I have a text from a number that I do not have in my phone. "Hey Areef! I was just seeing if you want to get together for lunch tomorrow?" DAMMIT! Why did I have to go through my phone and delete half my numbers because I was in a cynical mood. It seems like everytime I purge my phone, I get 2-3 texts from people asking to hang out. I don't know why I always screw myself over. I used to just be like "Oh, sorry I got a new phone, who is this?" This may seem like it would work, but after using it THREE times on the SAME person, I think they got the picture that I am lying lol. This is definitely a problem, and I have yet to find a solution to this issue. I wish cell phones had caller ID...
5. I have to use the bathroom really bad, so I pull into my garage and rush to the bathroom. I do the deed, and then I look and there is NO toilet paper. Who the hell uses the bathroom uses the toilet paper and does not replace it? They obviously knew that they used the last piece, because they have picked the cardboard roll so that it is clean like a bone. What is this world coming to when people are beginning to ignore bathroom ettiquette.
6. I hate when a friend asks me to go get something to eat and they ONLY order a salad or a soup. You asked me to go out, and I get this big meal because I am hungry, but now I look like a pig because all you got was a cup of soup. How about when you go to Starbucks with someone, and they get NOTHING! The waiter is probably thinking that this person obviously wants to get in and out and not be with this fat ass.
7. Do any of you remember SmarterChild? I went to IM him and talk to him the other day and much to my dismay, they SHUT HIM OFF! SmarterChild's brain was retired. I miss getting into arguments with him or just chatting about random things. Today was a sad day...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Fate
Aug. 6...I've been dreading this date for a while. This month in actuality. It is going to be a really difficult month for me. My emotions are very up and down. My Dad passed away one year ago on Aug. 30, but this month haunts my memories nearly every day. The hours at the hospital, the sleepless nights, the anguish, and the confusion. Many people who have lost a parent or a close loved one kind of haze over the details, and it becomes a haze. I live those details everyday as if they happened only yesterday.
I do not regret anything because it has brought me to where I am today, and for that, I would change nothing. That is not to say that I am not saddened by the way some things transpired, but everything has a rhyme and a reason.
Anyway back to the date...Aug. 6. I had not been home much before this because I was studying hardcore for the MCAT. I took it Aug. 5 then drove to Chicago to see Midwestern. That was fun, but then I drove Mike to Six Flags and then home and because I hit rush hour it took me like 4 hours to get home. I was so tired when I got home that I just went to sleep. I barely saw my Mom or my Dad. The next morning I took my Dad to go see a kidney specialist. I was planning on giving him my kidney because I was a match. We were just doing some final tests to get it all ready.
We were driving home, and my Dad wanted a Coke Slurpee. He had not had one for years, and this is the first time in memory since he got sick that I remember him asking for one. Mom kept yelling no because of the sugar content, but the way my Dad asked and looked at me I could not refuse. He had his Slurpee, and I could see how happy it made him. While driving back Home, we started talking about life support. For the past few years, my Dad said very little, but today he was talking. He told me that he did not want to be on life support, and to make sure to pull the plug. I believe I was fated to have this conversation. I dropped my parents off, said goodbye and headed to Indianapolis. That was the last talk that I would ever have with my Dad.
I went back to school and started RA Training the next day. Pretty stressful time, and there were a few situations that happened. Aug. 16 at 11PM, I was reading some of my friends palms. Those of you that know me know that I can read palms pretty well and a lot of people ask me to do it. They asked me that day if I could read my own hand. I said it was bad luck, but I was suaded enough to take a look. When looking at my life-line, I saw that a catastrophe was on its way. That a death was looming and that something bad was going to happen really soon. Ten minutes later my Mom called and said my Dad had gone into cardiac arrest, but he was stablized. He was even joking around. Mom did not want me to come home saying everything was fine, but I knew that was just the Mom in her being protective.
Ultimately, I decided that I would stay in Indy because I had so many meetings and such to do. I had USG meetings, classes starting in a few days, Housing move-in, IPM training, WoWfest, JagCorps, and so much more. Not saying I was not upset, but I thought everything would be fine. I thought that there was nothing to worry about. Looking back now I think I was selfishly not wanting to mess up my schedule. I was already stressed to the max and worried about getting everything done. I thought that if I could finish this week, then I would be able to go home.
Later that night, my Dad had kept buzzing to have the nurse help him use the restroom. He apparently had been trying for 10 minutes, but the damn nurses were not doing their job and did not come. He got out of bed to go to the restroom himself. While walking he fell, went into cardiac arrest again, and lost oxygen to his brain. He would never wake up again.
From August 17 - 26, we tried everything we could. At the hospital for 12+ hours everyday. Struggling to hold on to some semblance of hope. Tensions were high, everyone blaming the other. It was then that I remembered what my Dad had told me just those two short weeks earlier. People did not want to give up, but I knew this is what my Dad wanted. This is what was right. On August 26, we pulled the plug, and we put him in a hospice, waiting for his last breath to pass. For four days, his lungs gasped for air until his body let go on August 30. The funeral was held 3 days later on Sept. 2.
It was almost as if my Dad knew his time was up. The Slurpee, the talk, so many other signs in those last few weeks. I miss him everyday. Everyone keeps saying it is OK that I did not get into medical school, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I wanted to partly for my Dad. I wanted to show him that he raised a great son and that I made him proud and accomplished what he wanted as well. I want to be a doctor and follow in his footsteps, made the impact that he made. I know this is my path, and I will be resilient in it. I have other strengths which may make me suited even better for something else, but I will bring those strengths to my career as a doctor. I will make you proud Dad.
This month will be pretty difficult, but I know I have to be strong for my family. I know I have to take my Dad's place. A King is forbidden to cry because one tear from him will raise 1,000 tears from his people. I know too, that one tear from me shall raise the tears of all my family members.
I will be strong...I am strong.
I do not regret anything because it has brought me to where I am today, and for that, I would change nothing. That is not to say that I am not saddened by the way some things transpired, but everything has a rhyme and a reason.
Anyway back to the date...Aug. 6. I had not been home much before this because I was studying hardcore for the MCAT. I took it Aug. 5 then drove to Chicago to see Midwestern. That was fun, but then I drove Mike to Six Flags and then home and because I hit rush hour it took me like 4 hours to get home. I was so tired when I got home that I just went to sleep. I barely saw my Mom or my Dad. The next morning I took my Dad to go see a kidney specialist. I was planning on giving him my kidney because I was a match. We were just doing some final tests to get it all ready.
We were driving home, and my Dad wanted a Coke Slurpee. He had not had one for years, and this is the first time in memory since he got sick that I remember him asking for one. Mom kept yelling no because of the sugar content, but the way my Dad asked and looked at me I could not refuse. He had his Slurpee, and I could see how happy it made him. While driving back Home, we started talking about life support. For the past few years, my Dad said very little, but today he was talking. He told me that he did not want to be on life support, and to make sure to pull the plug. I believe I was fated to have this conversation. I dropped my parents off, said goodbye and headed to Indianapolis. That was the last talk that I would ever have with my Dad.
I went back to school and started RA Training the next day. Pretty stressful time, and there were a few situations that happened. Aug. 16 at 11PM, I was reading some of my friends palms. Those of you that know me know that I can read palms pretty well and a lot of people ask me to do it. They asked me that day if I could read my own hand. I said it was bad luck, but I was suaded enough to take a look. When looking at my life-line, I saw that a catastrophe was on its way. That a death was looming and that something bad was going to happen really soon. Ten minutes later my Mom called and said my Dad had gone into cardiac arrest, but he was stablized. He was even joking around. Mom did not want me to come home saying everything was fine, but I knew that was just the Mom in her being protective.
Ultimately, I decided that I would stay in Indy because I had so many meetings and such to do. I had USG meetings, classes starting in a few days, Housing move-in, IPM training, WoWfest, JagCorps, and so much more. Not saying I was not upset, but I thought everything would be fine. I thought that there was nothing to worry about. Looking back now I think I was selfishly not wanting to mess up my schedule. I was already stressed to the max and worried about getting everything done. I thought that if I could finish this week, then I would be able to go home.
Later that night, my Dad had kept buzzing to have the nurse help him use the restroom. He apparently had been trying for 10 minutes, but the damn nurses were not doing their job and did not come. He got out of bed to go to the restroom himself. While walking he fell, went into cardiac arrest again, and lost oxygen to his brain. He would never wake up again.
From August 17 - 26, we tried everything we could. At the hospital for 12+ hours everyday. Struggling to hold on to some semblance of hope. Tensions were high, everyone blaming the other. It was then that I remembered what my Dad had told me just those two short weeks earlier. People did not want to give up, but I knew this is what my Dad wanted. This is what was right. On August 26, we pulled the plug, and we put him in a hospice, waiting for his last breath to pass. For four days, his lungs gasped for air until his body let go on August 30. The funeral was held 3 days later on Sept. 2.
It was almost as if my Dad knew his time was up. The Slurpee, the talk, so many other signs in those last few weeks. I miss him everyday. Everyone keeps saying it is OK that I did not get into medical school, but the thing that bothers me the most is that I wanted to partly for my Dad. I wanted to show him that he raised a great son and that I made him proud and accomplished what he wanted as well. I want to be a doctor and follow in his footsteps, made the impact that he made. I know this is my path, and I will be resilient in it. I have other strengths which may make me suited even better for something else, but I will bring those strengths to my career as a doctor. I will make you proud Dad.
This month will be pretty difficult, but I know I have to be strong for my family. I know I have to take my Dad's place. A King is forbidden to cry because one tear from him will raise 1,000 tears from his people. I know too, that one tear from me shall raise the tears of all my family members.
I will be strong...I am strong.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Indian Superstitions
These are just a few that I remember hearing or that my Mom poured down my throat lol.
1. When you are about to go out somewhere and someone asks where are you going?
2. If you sneeze an odd number of times then try and leave the house...not sure what to do if this happens...try and sneeze again lol?
3. If a widow casts her shadow upon you, then you will know only bad luck or if you are a woman become a widow yourself.
4. If a cat crosses your path, it is a bad omen. You cannot proceed, you have to turn around and find another way.
5. When you hit your head or feet on the threshhold.
6. When you pour milk and it overflows, it is considered a great omen.
7. A guest is coming when your right hand itches.
8. You can never sleep with your head to the north or your bed facing the door.
9. Cannot cut your nails after dark or shower at 7PM, 12AM, or 4AM.
10. When you break a glass, it means a death in the family is coming. If you keep this broken glass inside, it will continue to signal bad luck.
11. When you are boiling milk, and it overflows...you're screwed lol.
12. If you sneeze right before you are about to do something, it is bad luck.
13. If an animal dies on your property, means one of your family was spared from death.
OK, there are a lot more...but I am exhausted...night!
1. When you are about to go out somewhere and someone asks where are you going?
2. If you sneeze an odd number of times then try and leave the house...not sure what to do if this happens...try and sneeze again lol?
3. If a widow casts her shadow upon you, then you will know only bad luck or if you are a woman become a widow yourself.
4. If a cat crosses your path, it is a bad omen. You cannot proceed, you have to turn around and find another way.
5. When you hit your head or feet on the threshhold.
6. When you pour milk and it overflows, it is considered a great omen.
7. A guest is coming when your right hand itches.
8. You can never sleep with your head to the north or your bed facing the door.
9. Cannot cut your nails after dark or shower at 7PM, 12AM, or 4AM.
10. When you break a glass, it means a death in the family is coming. If you keep this broken glass inside, it will continue to signal bad luck.
11. When you are boiling milk, and it overflows...you're screwed lol.
12. If you sneeze right before you are about to do something, it is bad luck.
13. If an animal dies on your property, means one of your family was spared from death.
OK, there are a lot more...but I am exhausted...night!
Monday, August 3, 2009
Keirsey Temperment/Meyers-Briggs Test
Pretty much exactly me :-)
Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)
Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.
Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.
Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.
Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.
Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Catch-up
Sorry everyone for the delay...been pretty busy.
I've been tutoring my cousins a lot in English. I definitely love teaching. I might put this idea on the back-burner, since I believe there is a lot of potential there. I am getting involved in my "churches" "Sunday school." Sorry for the all the quotations lol, but most people would just be confused if I used the real terms. I think it is going to be a great experience. I am looking forward to working with the little kids and also networking and providing a service to the community.
Sarah mentioned that there might an opening at her Home Health Care Clinic in the next couple of weeks, so I am hoping that works out :-). I had dinner with her the other day. It was such a great dinner. We both have come a long way from our first year of IUPUI. IUPUI and Purdue really did a lot of us, and I definitely am glad she will only be 40 min. away at Valpo.
I went to Indy for our 1 year celebration. I went to Howl at first with the brothers and their girlfriends. It was a REALLY good time. It has dueling pianos and they play songs by requests. Lots of crazy singing and great times.
Yesterday was amazing though. It was great hanging out with the brothers, especially as the night drew on lol. The craziest part was at like 3 in the morning though. We were just chilling on the porch when at the house kiddy-corner to ours there was a lot of yelling and screaming. Eventually two guys walk over and start asking for some Asian guy named Ben. He then starts to try and walk up our steps. I had ran in for a second to get some of the other guys out because I thought there was about to be a rumble. Holly pushes the guy, and then the guy turns around and for no reason punches his friend in the face. The friend is like WTH, and he goes and does it again.
The cops had arrived by this point, and handcuff the guy. We are just sitting on the porch wanting to be out there in case they wanted us to comment or anything. After a little while the guy shoulders the cop and has been saying "F* you cop!" and "I'm a marine" the entire time. The two cops then throw the guy to the ground and as one holds him down the other takes a flashlight and bludgeons the guy in the face. The cops continue to hold him down as they punch his face and keep on kicking him for a good minute. Afterwards the guy is not even moving, and they check if he is still breathing.
Later on he gets up and just walks off behind our house. The cops do not even notice until we are like "Uhh are you going to restrain the guy, he's going into our backyard." The cops nonchalantly walk back then and walk him back as if he was a little child gone astray. Maybe they felt bad for the police brutality they inflicted earlier. What a night!
I got to see Brady and his Mom today which was fun. I can definitely tell where he gets some of his habits from haha, but a very great family. Was very touched that they asked me to come out with them. Traffic was hell getting home. Took almost 3 hours, but now going to go watch some GSN! I will update again probably later tonight or tomorrow lol.
I've been tutoring my cousins a lot in English. I definitely love teaching. I might put this idea on the back-burner, since I believe there is a lot of potential there. I am getting involved in my "churches" "Sunday school." Sorry for the all the quotations lol, but most people would just be confused if I used the real terms. I think it is going to be a great experience. I am looking forward to working with the little kids and also networking and providing a service to the community.
Sarah mentioned that there might an opening at her Home Health Care Clinic in the next couple of weeks, so I am hoping that works out :-). I had dinner with her the other day. It was such a great dinner. We both have come a long way from our first year of IUPUI. IUPUI and Purdue really did a lot of us, and I definitely am glad she will only be 40 min. away at Valpo.
I went to Indy for our 1 year celebration. I went to Howl at first with the brothers and their girlfriends. It was a REALLY good time. It has dueling pianos and they play songs by requests. Lots of crazy singing and great times.
Yesterday was amazing though. It was great hanging out with the brothers, especially as the night drew on lol. The craziest part was at like 3 in the morning though. We were just chilling on the porch when at the house kiddy-corner to ours there was a lot of yelling and screaming. Eventually two guys walk over and start asking for some Asian guy named Ben. He then starts to try and walk up our steps. I had ran in for a second to get some of the other guys out because I thought there was about to be a rumble. Holly pushes the guy, and then the guy turns around and for no reason punches his friend in the face. The friend is like WTH, and he goes and does it again.
The cops had arrived by this point, and handcuff the guy. We are just sitting on the porch wanting to be out there in case they wanted us to comment or anything. After a little while the guy shoulders the cop and has been saying "F* you cop!" and "I'm a marine" the entire time. The two cops then throw the guy to the ground and as one holds him down the other takes a flashlight and bludgeons the guy in the face. The cops continue to hold him down as they punch his face and keep on kicking him for a good minute. Afterwards the guy is not even moving, and they check if he is still breathing.
Later on he gets up and just walks off behind our house. The cops do not even notice until we are like "Uhh are you going to restrain the guy, he's going into our backyard." The cops nonchalantly walk back then and walk him back as if he was a little child gone astray. Maybe they felt bad for the police brutality they inflicted earlier. What a night!
I got to see Brady and his Mom today which was fun. I can definitely tell where he gets some of his habits from haha, but a very great family. Was very touched that they asked me to come out with them. Traffic was hell getting home. Took almost 3 hours, but now going to go watch some GSN! I will update again probably later tonight or tomorrow lol.
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