Something New

So I know I tend to stay away from re-cap posts, but this shall be a mix of that as well as thoughts.

I recently got into medical school in the Caribbean, and I am very excited. I will be leaving in August and will be gone for two years pretty much the entire time since they run on continuous trimesters. Its going to be very different, but I think this will also be an opportunity to experience the change I have been waiting for. Finally cutting off some of that umbilical cord that I feel has really been holding me down this year. I have not been happy nor doing well at all this year, and it was very tough getting through it. I somehow managed to get all A's this semester, though toward the end I had run out of all steam and emotion. I was just done and checked out.

I have been getting a lot of criticism about going to medical school in the Caribbean. Yet again, the people whose opinions can affect me the most I feel like they do not support me. Frankly, I don't give a damn. "Come, you spirits that tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here, and fill me from the crown to the toe topful of direst cruelty." I am going to have the courage and motivation to move beyond this negativity. I am doing this for me, and it was no sense continuing what I was doing because it was just making me more and more depressed. Hopefully this transition will help things out a lot.

I just want people to be proud of me I think, or believe in me. I feel like all the close people in my life usually end up picking up on my weaknesses and dangling them in front of me rather than support me or see the raw emotion behind which I do things. That is a test, and I know that I can overcome it, but its still not fair that I never treat them at way. Life is not fair though, and I need to find my own internal flame that can be kept and maintained with my own initiative.

I am still very sad to leave me Mom, and I am very worried about her and what will happen. The plan is for me to finish my basic science courses in the Caribbean, and when I do my clinical rotations I will pick Chicago. This way I can live at home, take care of my Mom and at that point my brother will have finished his Master's and can go where he wants for Law School. I hope this works out because this is how I feel like I can still follow my dreams and do my duty as well.

I just got back from Vancouver, and it was amazing. I had such a great time with family, and I cannot wait to see them all again. It was nice seeing my Mom's side of the family for once. They are really awesome, and it sucks that most of them are so far away. Vancouver is such a great place as well, and I wish I could live there. Too bad the situation there is not ideal for doctors who specialize otherwise I would move there in a heartbeat.

I have so much to do and get in order before I leave. When I left IUPUI, it was not really a change. I felt like I was stuck in limbo, but this really will be a change. I worry about what I may lose from this change and whom I might lose from this change, but I think in the end it will be very worth it, and those that really care about me will remain just the same in my life.

It seems to be shaping up to be a good summer. It seems like most of my IUPUI friends are here or there doing their thing, and I am going to miss them a lot this summer. I am really excited that it seems like I am going to be spending a lot of time with old friends though. I think it will be nice to reconnect even more and just pick up where we left off.

I am changing as a person. I am becoming a lot more introverted, and also I am slowly becoming more and more de-sensitized to things. My raw emotions are coming out more and more, and I am not restraining them. Maybe this is not a good thing, but I am not going to sit there and live by someone else's rules. Other people have been judging or chastising me lately, but they are a bunch of hypocrites since they do it as well. Just because I am more open with it, so be it. I am shooting for the stars and going to show everyone my potential. Here goes nothing.