The Art of Giving...and random musings

I consider myself a fairly generous person. I love to give, and in my philosophy I have always believed that having something that can be spared and not giving it to another who is in need is wrong. Even if I hoard these fleeting objects like money, gifts, or time, what good will any of this do in the long run. I'd rather have the gratification of giving and help others than be selfish. I do not like being repaid for things though. When I do something nice, it comes from the heart, and I do not want to taint it with money or obligating someone. When I die, I want to go without obligations left on my name. Maybe this is another way I isolate people from myself. Some people feel like I obligate them with some things I do, but then I do not let them "repay me."

I have a hard time letting people give to me. Mostly because of my high expectations. From these maybe lofty markers, I am often disappointed with people. I struggle opening up to people and it drives me insane when I open up to someone and they don't treat that information with respect. When someone opens up to me, I show care and compassion and try to be there for them in any way possible. I hate that most of the people in my life do not hold me in the same regard as I hold them. I guess that is why I am so excited about the Caribbean because I am going to try and reinvent some things. I am not going to be as trusting as I am now or give as many chances that I do. I want toe more independent. There are a few people that can really control my emotions, and I really shouldn't let that happen. It's not fair to me, and I should be the master of my emotions. Sounds like I'm going to be a recluse...but maybe I will just be more cautious and form relationships off of my personality and my ambition not my emotion. It might do me well to form relationships with reason and rational rather than my own self-destructive emotions.