1. I am going to begin with a story that happened to me today. I am at the mall, and I decide just to grab lunch in the food court. I decide to try this new Japanese Grill. Bad idea. My Mom had given me a $50 to go buy my food, so I go to the place and order. They ask for money, and I reach into my pocket hand them the bills and zone out as I usually do. I come back to reality with some angry Japanese man yelling fragmented English at me. He claims that I only gave him two dollars. We then begin an arguing match of me saying he stole my $50, and he saying that I only gave him two. He then calls his associates over to show them that I only gave them too. Yes stupid man, I know that you only have two dollars in your hand, but you stole my $50 and are trying to cover it up with these two dollars. Eventually the man calls security over because I was causing such a fuss. We explain the situation, and I decide to put my hands into my coat pocket. It was then that I pulled out my $50 and realized what a complete fool I was. Long story short, the damn Japs refused to serve me. FML.
2. I cannot stand warm drinks. There are certain drinks that were meant to be warm, i.e. coffee, tea, hot chocolate, etc. Coke, water, juice...THESE ARE NOT MEANT TO BE WARM. I judge people base on what they offer me. I only like to be served chilled beverages. Granted the spontaneous visit might not give the host enough time to prepare for the proper beverages, but if someone invites me to their house, I fully expect some sort of chilled beverage to be on the menu.
3. You know what really annoys me. CVS and Walgreens. I really do not understand what is going through their minds. Everytime CVS opens a new location, Walgreens has to come right behind them and not only open a new location but open it RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. I may not be an economist, but this is idiocy incarnate. Even if for some reason there is some sort of weird, twisted way this is profitable, it just annoys me that they are right next to each other. Things have to be spaced out evenly and efficiently. I refuse to make regular purchases at these stores from now onward.
4. I cannot decide which I hate worse, Snuggies or Blue-tooth phones. While blue-tooth phones can be a very cool, useful gadget, they are being completely misused. I was sitting at a restaurant and this lady was sitting next to us by herself. All of a sudden I hear her say, what time does the place close? Thinking she was talking to me I respond with "I think 9." She turns to me and really rudely says "I ain't talking ta you." OK, hold up. First of all, go back to school and learn some grammar lady, and while you are at it learn to be civilized and not speak to me like an uneducated punk. Second of all, I did not see your blue-tooth. Do not go into public and talk on your blue-tooth. You are not cool. It does not make me think, "Oh wow, that lady is so important that she needs to continuously talk to people as she does errands because shes so damn important and busy." It makes me want to shoot you.
5. So one of my teachers has the most annoying habit. He asks rhetorical questions incessantly. "What is public policy? It is the blah blah blah. Now what does that mean to us? Blah blah blah. What is the executive branch? President. WTH, I did not sign up for a class for you to have a conversation with yourself. Can you get that checked out please? I stopped asking questions in class because none of the responses make sense. He will literally argue with himself in the responses...What is public policy? It is agenda setting. No. It is more. Does it involve blah blah blah. Yes, they do. Did I mention that he has a thick accent from Ghana...
6. OK, the blue-tooth lady inspired me. I wish to enact new public policy. I wish to call for the segregation of people that advance society and people that are worthless. The government shall issue IQ tests, and we can control for different things like one is not good at standardized tests and mental illnesses, and people that are nice but do not have the smart. Anyone who does not meet these standards shall be shipped off to Greenland. We shall be kind and give them some clothes and food, but that it is. After that they shall be left to fend for themselves and stop ruining other people's lives. More than likely they shall all die. I am OK with that.
7. I dislike the gas-light. It comes on telling you that you are on empty, BUT it lies to you! You are not really on empty, you can still go many more miles! I have gone 30 miles since the gas light has come on. Nothing happened. I am slowly pushing the limit I know, but I would like a car that tells me when I am maybe 5 miles away from empty. I am not a dumbass I know when the car is nearing empty, but do not tell me my car is empty when I have a good 30 miles to go. And do not respond saying that it is there to remind people that do not notice. If you cannot notice something like that, then maybe you belong on the island that I described above.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Teeter-Totter
Oh Wow. Have I been all over the place lately. So I guess a little update on a previous post. The Public Affairs Club is kind of in my hands right now. I am just so swamped with Mid-terms and papers and projects that I have not had time. I actually think I am busier this year than last. Not necessarily time-wise, but mentally wise. Graduate school work is a lot more draining than undergrad was. I need my time to de-stress and do weird things. Does not seem like I can get enough of it though.
I am not doing that internship program in Chicago. Requires too much time, and I really want to graduate in two years. Maybe some other time. Plus I need to take my Mom to work and such, and it would just be too difficult to maneuver it all. I also decided not to go ahead with the Student Trustee position. This past weekend I realizezd that I do not want to be in an university my whole life. I know my scope is larger than that, and I feel like it is too easy to fall into the internal elements of an university and lose the big picture.
On top of that I did not enjoy my meeting with the Ph.D. program. I cannot see myself doing it my whole life. People with the sign of Aquarius need to feel fulfilled in life. What they do in life has to be working toward a bigger purpose. Given that, we cannot simply work on something or do something because we are good at it. As much as people say I should do this, that, or the other I know my limitations in that I will not be happy just focusing on my strengths.
People keep telling me to try HESA. Besides the reasons above, I just believe HESA does not have a community aspect to it. Its focus is primarily on individuals in the university and does not on a regular basis reach other to impacting the community as a whole directly. In HESA, you constantly have to be leaking out positive energy and always hide sometimes your true feelings. You do not want to influence the growth of the student based on your own personal convictions. I think that would be hard for me at times especially that I would have to hide my personal opinions about matters that I feel strongly about. I am an introverted person as well, and I think it would be difficult that all my work in located around people and that I do not have as much control as I would like (Please see Control blog).
I realized another thing now. I do not want a public office at this point. I prefer to work behind the scenes not in the spot-light as much. I would rather work as a private stake-holder in politics in a regulatory agency of some sort. As a lobbyist working to influence public policy behind the scenes rather than in the forefront.
I am not happy with any of these career choices, probably because I cannot find one that I feel fits what I believe my purpose is. Well that is except one. Medicine. When I wanted to be a doctor, I felt like I was fulfilling my purpose in life. I felt complete and whole. I am just so confused. I think I need to go with my gut (thanks Little), and follow what I believe I need to do. People try and influence me with what they think, but I think in the end what matters is what is in my gut and what I want. Maybe I threw away medicine because I was so burned that they rejected me, that I felt like a failure and I did not want to remember that pain anymore. Ugh, I need to let go a little and stop thinking about things so much. I should not throw away 22 years of a dream based on a single occurence right? Maybe medicine is not right for me, but I do not think it was right just to give it one shot then throw it out the window. Well here's going back to the drawing board, yet again. I still find it weird that people come to me for advice and seeking stability when I cannot seem to find my own.
I am not doing that internship program in Chicago. Requires too much time, and I really want to graduate in two years. Maybe some other time. Plus I need to take my Mom to work and such, and it would just be too difficult to maneuver it all. I also decided not to go ahead with the Student Trustee position. This past weekend I realizezd that I do not want to be in an university my whole life. I know my scope is larger than that, and I feel like it is too easy to fall into the internal elements of an university and lose the big picture.
On top of that I did not enjoy my meeting with the Ph.D. program. I cannot see myself doing it my whole life. People with the sign of Aquarius need to feel fulfilled in life. What they do in life has to be working toward a bigger purpose. Given that, we cannot simply work on something or do something because we are good at it. As much as people say I should do this, that, or the other I know my limitations in that I will not be happy just focusing on my strengths.
People keep telling me to try HESA. Besides the reasons above, I just believe HESA does not have a community aspect to it. Its focus is primarily on individuals in the university and does not on a regular basis reach other to impacting the community as a whole directly. In HESA, you constantly have to be leaking out positive energy and always hide sometimes your true feelings. You do not want to influence the growth of the student based on your own personal convictions. I think that would be hard for me at times especially that I would have to hide my personal opinions about matters that I feel strongly about. I am an introverted person as well, and I think it would be difficult that all my work in located around people and that I do not have as much control as I would like (Please see Control blog).
I realized another thing now. I do not want a public office at this point. I prefer to work behind the scenes not in the spot-light as much. I would rather work as a private stake-holder in politics in a regulatory agency of some sort. As a lobbyist working to influence public policy behind the scenes rather than in the forefront.
I am not happy with any of these career choices, probably because I cannot find one that I feel fits what I believe my purpose is. Well that is except one. Medicine. When I wanted to be a doctor, I felt like I was fulfilling my purpose in life. I felt complete and whole. I am just so confused. I think I need to go with my gut (thanks Little), and follow what I believe I need to do. People try and influence me with what they think, but I think in the end what matters is what is in my gut and what I want. Maybe I threw away medicine because I was so burned that they rejected me, that I felt like a failure and I did not want to remember that pain anymore. Ugh, I need to let go a little and stop thinking about things so much. I should not throw away 22 years of a dream based on a single occurence right? Maybe medicine is not right for me, but I do not think it was right just to give it one shot then throw it out the window. Well here's going back to the drawing board, yet again. I still find it weird that people come to me for advice and seeking stability when I cannot seem to find my own.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Control
For those of you that know me well, you know that my head is always brimming of things I want. I am the epitome of a goal-oriented person I guess you might say. I always need a challenge or something to work at otherwise I get bored, annoyed, and aloof. This may seem like a strength, which it is, but I have seen another side of it lately especially when it comes to my relationships.
If you look at the closest people in my life, they are the ones that in ways push me away. They create this sort of enigma as our relationship grows. It does not mean that we are not close, but they are always on a different step than me. My personality dictates that I hate not having control. In fact I am fascist in some senses that people should bend to my way because it is the only right way. I will admit I often get into these moods, and it drives me crazy. That is why I have a love-hate relationship with challenges and the closest people in my life the people that fit into this challenging prototype. I cannot control them in the sense that they are challenging, and it is something that I must always work at. This sounds so demeaning but please remember most of my posts are theoretically-based so elements of humanism have to be taken out.
Now the other paradigm in my life is that I have people or things that I could have be much closer or I could take advantage of an opportunity, but I choose not to. I distance myself from these things. We might have a relationship, or I might work with one of those activities, but it is routine, mundane, hackneyed, and just another thing to pass the time sometimes. Wow that's cynical. There is some truth to it though in that the things that I cannot have, cannot control, cannot predict, cannot fully understand or interpret fascinate me and mean much more to me.
I have known this flaw of mine for awhile, but I have covered it up. It is very weird because I know myself so damn well I would shock people if I did an analysis of myself because I know my strengths, weaknesses, why I do things more than the average person. It stems from my wanting to control everything...even myself. I am a slave to my own designs, and I know what I need to do to break it. I cannot bring myself to do so though. It is ingrained in who I am in many ways, my wanting to have a challenge. I think I am a bit extreme with it and fascist even in that if I do not want something I will do all in my power to stop it. Maybe I need to temper it down more, then again am I not just entering myself in the same perpetual cycle of trying to control every aspect of my life?
Along with this aspect of myself, I hate feeling like I belong. I want to belong so badly in some aspects, but then I am hit with the problem of feeling comfortable where I am or with a relationship. This leads to boredom, aloofness, and detachment. I guess I like to float around and belong to many groups at my convenience though. Damn, I am such a Nazi...I am not ashamed to feel like this necessarily. I think I definitely hit the extremes of how I am/feeling, but I think this society is so caught up in looking at everything in a humanistic point of view. Often times, our minds do not work in that way, but we are too ashamed of voicing them in fear of coming off as callous or superior.
Well, that is all. Now for some sleep :-).
If you look at the closest people in my life, they are the ones that in ways push me away. They create this sort of enigma as our relationship grows. It does not mean that we are not close, but they are always on a different step than me. My personality dictates that I hate not having control. In fact I am fascist in some senses that people should bend to my way because it is the only right way. I will admit I often get into these moods, and it drives me crazy. That is why I have a love-hate relationship with challenges and the closest people in my life the people that fit into this challenging prototype. I cannot control them in the sense that they are challenging, and it is something that I must always work at. This sounds so demeaning but please remember most of my posts are theoretically-based so elements of humanism have to be taken out.
Now the other paradigm in my life is that I have people or things that I could have be much closer or I could take advantage of an opportunity, but I choose not to. I distance myself from these things. We might have a relationship, or I might work with one of those activities, but it is routine, mundane, hackneyed, and just another thing to pass the time sometimes. Wow that's cynical. There is some truth to it though in that the things that I cannot have, cannot control, cannot predict, cannot fully understand or interpret fascinate me and mean much more to me.
I have known this flaw of mine for awhile, but I have covered it up. It is very weird because I know myself so damn well I would shock people if I did an analysis of myself because I know my strengths, weaknesses, why I do things more than the average person. It stems from my wanting to control everything...even myself. I am a slave to my own designs, and I know what I need to do to break it. I cannot bring myself to do so though. It is ingrained in who I am in many ways, my wanting to have a challenge. I think I am a bit extreme with it and fascist even in that if I do not want something I will do all in my power to stop it. Maybe I need to temper it down more, then again am I not just entering myself in the same perpetual cycle of trying to control every aspect of my life?
Along with this aspect of myself, I hate feeling like I belong. I want to belong so badly in some aspects, but then I am hit with the problem of feeling comfortable where I am or with a relationship. This leads to boredom, aloofness, and detachment. I guess I like to float around and belong to many groups at my convenience though. Damn, I am such a Nazi...I am not ashamed to feel like this necessarily. I think I definitely hit the extremes of how I am/feeling, but I think this society is so caught up in looking at everything in a humanistic point of view. Often times, our minds do not work in that way, but we are too ashamed of voicing them in fear of coming off as callous or superior.
Well, that is all. Now for some sleep :-).
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Random Thoughts Part X
1. So I am sitting in class listening to the professor blabber on about the same topic. I put down my pen for a while until he's done making his same point. Finally he moves on to the next topic, and I reach for my pen to take notes. It's not there. I search all over the table, below the table, myself...nothing. I take out another pen and begin to take notes, until I realize the person next to me is using my pen. Their pen had run out of ink, so they just thought to grab mine. I will end the story here because all the rest will be is a series of cuss words, but seriously who does that?
2. I am in the middle of a movie. I get a call, and screen it because I cannot pick up at the time. One minute later, the same person calls again. If I did not answer the first time, why in the world would I consider to answer the second time? I really should consider writing my Ph.D. in phone etiquette. There is one exception to this rule. You call and get no answer, and then you realize you want to leave a voicemail. This is the only acceptable reason to call twice.
3. I went to lunch with a friend the other day. She started talking about how she and her friend Rachel went to Six Flags the other day. Ok, hold up. You mean the Rachel that I went to high school and middle school with? The Rachel that used to be in every other one of my classes? The Rachel that used to hang out with us? Why in the world do you need to say my friend. I know perfectly well who you are speaking about. This is rubbish.
4. I really hate when you are telling someone about something that happened, and the first thing that they say is "Really?!". No, I just made up that I got an A on my test, or that my car broke down, or that Fight Club is on TV. Get with it people.
5. I love clothes right out of the dryer. In fact, I have made it my mission to wait for the clothes to get right out of the dryer and then put them on. I just find that my days are so much more fulfilling.
6. I cannot stand apples. I also hate people that eat apples in front of me. I have a horrible thing with sounds, and I cannot take the crunching of an apple. It literally drives me insane, and I have to leave the location because I will scream. I mean its not that the taste is bad, but there is no need for apples to be that crunchy. It just is not right.
7. Another story about people failing at their lives. I was in class when the girl next to me straight up burps on my face. There was no excuse me, no covering of her mouth, instead I get a great big whiff of that chicken and beans she had for dinner. Then she had the audacity to go back to writing notes without any regard for the situation she placed me in. She was just doing too much...
2. I am in the middle of a movie. I get a call, and screen it because I cannot pick up at the time. One minute later, the same person calls again. If I did not answer the first time, why in the world would I consider to answer the second time? I really should consider writing my Ph.D. in phone etiquette. There is one exception to this rule. You call and get no answer, and then you realize you want to leave a voicemail. This is the only acceptable reason to call twice.
3. I went to lunch with a friend the other day. She started talking about how she and her friend Rachel went to Six Flags the other day. Ok, hold up. You mean the Rachel that I went to high school and middle school with? The Rachel that used to be in every other one of my classes? The Rachel that used to hang out with us? Why in the world do you need to say my friend. I know perfectly well who you are speaking about. This is rubbish.
4. I really hate when you are telling someone about something that happened, and the first thing that they say is "Really?!". No, I just made up that I got an A on my test, or that my car broke down, or that Fight Club is on TV. Get with it people.
5. I love clothes right out of the dryer. In fact, I have made it my mission to wait for the clothes to get right out of the dryer and then put them on. I just find that my days are so much more fulfilling.
6. I cannot stand apples. I also hate people that eat apples in front of me. I have a horrible thing with sounds, and I cannot take the crunching of an apple. It literally drives me insane, and I have to leave the location because I will scream. I mean its not that the taste is bad, but there is no need for apples to be that crunchy. It just is not right.
7. Another story about people failing at their lives. I was in class when the girl next to me straight up burps on my face. There was no excuse me, no covering of her mouth, instead I get a great big whiff of that chicken and beans she had for dinner. Then she had the audacity to go back to writing notes without any regard for the situation she placed me in. She was just doing too much...
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Bright Future
Sorry for the delay in posts. I have just been swamped with things. I had to give up my teaching position for my "Church." It was an extremely hard thing to do, and I felt horrible for quite some time. I felt like I had to give up not only something that was very important to me, but also my way of giving back. I was offered the position of a Substitute though, so I am very excited. Things always work out in some way or form. It may not be what we initially thought, but I am grateful nevertheless.
The Public Affairs Club is coming along. It had some rough patches, but people are getting interested!!! I am very excited about that. I got asked to be a Senator for Student Government here as well, so I decided to take that position. Who knows, maybe I will even run for an office in the Student Government next year. I think I was having a difficult managing my time because graduate school is so different from undergrad. I have been challenged so much in my way of thinking. It is just a totally different mindset in the way we look at everything. It has been amazing, and I feel like I am learning and growing so much.
I also got into this program in Chicago. You have to apply and then if you get accepted, they pair you up with an advisor. She is going to help me find internships and get situated as I enter the professional world. I have a few internships lined up, so I am excited to have things to choose from!
I am looking into becoming the Student Trustee for IU. It is not due till January 2011, but I know how these things work and I will need to begin to get all my things ready now. It is always good to work toward something in my opinion instead of just randomly applying for things that come up. I think that works sometimes, but I think there is value in having a general idea of where you want to go in life.
I am looking to apply for a Ph.D. in Philanthropic Studies in Indianapolis. I am very excited about this. Hopefully while earning my Ph.D. I can get a fellowship with Housing or CCL or a teaching position. I cannot wait for this phase of my life! I am also looking into dual degrees possible with an M.B.A.
I am ready to make a change, make a difference. Get ready everyone! :-)
The Public Affairs Club is coming along. It had some rough patches, but people are getting interested!!! I am very excited about that. I got asked to be a Senator for Student Government here as well, so I decided to take that position. Who knows, maybe I will even run for an office in the Student Government next year. I think I was having a difficult managing my time because graduate school is so different from undergrad. I have been challenged so much in my way of thinking. It is just a totally different mindset in the way we look at everything. It has been amazing, and I feel like I am learning and growing so much.
I also got into this program in Chicago. You have to apply and then if you get accepted, they pair you up with an advisor. She is going to help me find internships and get situated as I enter the professional world. I have a few internships lined up, so I am excited to have things to choose from!
I am looking into becoming the Student Trustee for IU. It is not due till January 2011, but I know how these things work and I will need to begin to get all my things ready now. It is always good to work toward something in my opinion instead of just randomly applying for things that come up. I think that works sometimes, but I think there is value in having a general idea of where you want to go in life.
I am looking to apply for a Ph.D. in Philanthropic Studies in Indianapolis. I am very excited about this. Hopefully while earning my Ph.D. I can get a fellowship with Housing or CCL or a teaching position. I cannot wait for this phase of my life! I am also looking into dual degrees possible with an M.B.A.
I am ready to make a change, make a difference. Get ready everyone! :-)
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