Definitions. We live in a world that is entirely held together by definitions and meaning. Everything has its place and every action but be held in accordance to those set things. We are bound by the limited interpretations of those definitions. My question is though, who develops these definitions? I could talk about society as a whole, but I wish to focus on relationships. No matter the relationship, each side of the bond interpret and create meaning for the relationship. By no means is this creation congruent nor alike. We each develop our own understandings as to what the relationship means, how it plays a role in our lives, and how to nurture and protect it.
When two people have a disagreement in a relationship, nine times out of ten it is not because there was an actual incident intended to hurt the relationship, but rather there was a mis-communication, a misconception, that unfolded of which both parties blame the other person about. I have my set notion of what my relationship should look like. I have the expectations and demands that I expect to see when given situations occur. The thing is that the other person has the same expectations and demands that they expect to occur which leads to the problems and issues. We live in a subjective world where all humans want to control what is around them. They want things to go there way essentially. While I think there are degrees to which this notion is upheld, in relationships we expect that the person act in accordance to our expectations. When they do not, they fail to uphold their bargain in one's mind.
I have an issue of not telling many people my expectations in relationships, and from it I remain disappointed. I remain disappointed because my definition of what a friend is, of what our relationship is does not match reality. Then again though, it probably does not match reality for the other person either. Yet, we adhere to these definitions, we live by these definitions, we suffer by these definitions. In the end, maybe we are supposed to be disappointed by relationships. It helps us remember who we are, what we are meant to do, and what our path is. There is great love, benefits, and prosperity in relationships as well that can do the same, but ultimately everything has its two sides.
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The issue of defining our world is indeed a tough one, especially from my COMM. background (social reality view). With relationships, it's not necessarily more or better communication that will solve the problems that are faced, but rather a willingness to accept and search for meaning in the struggle than avoid it. It's what you bring to a relationship that shows what you get out - in essence, you make the relationship what you want, along with the other person. The essence of coordinated management of meaning in a relationship sense :D
ReplyDeleteCommunication is definitely key. Being open and honest with someone takes a lot of trust and trust is also very important in relationships. I think that you have a select few that you are open enough with to let them know how you feel. They are *hopefully* honest with you about your relationship and with communication, love, and a willingness to accept each other for who they are and realize those expectations can be a little much sometimes I think great relationships can be born. You have to be willing to give and receive. Friendships can be demanding and hard work, which is why I think we see the harder side more because we don't know how to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I am just rambling because I have a 4 year old yelling in my ear.