Aqueous Transmission

I'm floating down a river
Oars freed from their holds long ago
Lying face up on the floor of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
And feel my heart overflow
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
Floating down a river named emotion
Will I make it back to shore
Or drift into the unknown

Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river

I'm building an antenna
Transmissions will be sent when I am through
Maybe we could meet again further down the river
And share what we both discovered...
Then revel in the view

Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river
Further down the river

I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river
I'm floating down a river


This is one of my favorite songs. I have not listened to this song in a long time, probably because it lost meaning for a while. I felt like I had control of my life and was guiding it to where I wished. Now I lay here as the waves and rushes of the water crash against my vessel and take me here or there. I have accepted this and let fate take over a lot.

I feel like I have lost myself though. I realized before I even left Indy that I was letting myself be defined by my past. When I left my present offered no definition, and no matter what I tried I could not find it. I revert back to my past over and over again. Like an umbilical cord between child and mother, it needs to be separated for the survival of both.

I am a very caring, compassionate person, and I very much live my life through emotions. Yeah, whatever I know its not the most "manly" thing, but it is who I am and I know the people that care about me have accepted that. I almost feel like the relationships I built before, the person I built before and nurtured were like a child. Now my womb feels empty as I have lost the thing that gave me reason and purpose. A lonely parent bereft of the child that was meant to give them strength and solace and reason and purpose. Just like every bird must leave its nest, so much the past also be put in the past. This emptiness I feel must be replaced with a new future. It is idiotic to fill it with continuous memories of the past and try to relive it as it were my destiny.

Last time I tried to take steps forward, I recoiled in defeat, it is time that I try once again. The past shall remain in loving memory in my heart, and the things and people that are destined to accompany me to the future shall follow. Here is to moving on...here is to fulfilling my true destiny...here is to floating down the river