Breaking Apart

I have come to a crossroads, and I think it is finally time for a change. I have been stagnant for too long, so much so that I have lost myself. A grim facade is all that remains of who I once was, or at least who I was seeking to find. I have arrested my development in a state of glum attachment. I connect myself to things and people and use it as my energy and support basin. Consciously and subconsciously I continually blind myself to the reality of things. All to continue this facade as well as placate my feelings of inadequacy and lack of purpose.

Over the course of the past few weeks, I am beginning a new transformation. I am trying to break apart from the mold that I was embossed in. I am not always right, but I need to stop putting myself down. Whether or not I get taken advantage of, or used, or taken for granted, some of the blame is on me. I cannot let this keep occurring anymore because it is leaving me hollow. Maybe this play will continue on for a few acts, but ultimately even those attachments will leave and break me. I am an ancient house on the hill as its walls creak and echo with the sounds of imminent doom. Doom that is that will occur if I stay there.

I deserve much more, and it is time I take the handle in that aspect. It is time to find a new house, a new landscape, before only ill feelings fill in my past. A wise friend of mine told me why can I not have both? Go for my dreams and fulfill my duty as well. I have only been doing the latter and hoping that my relationships will give support to the former. Ultimately, I was failed, but in the end, all I need is myself. I am too generous and giving of the heart, and this in turn ends up burning my very badly. This will need to be the first thing to change. I do not wish to give up my caring side, but in order to begin a transition, it is important to distance myself, and in distancing oneself, I cannot get caught up in the minutia of my own self-placed importance of maintaining negative or dead relationships or things in my life.