Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Negativity

I feel like I am surrounded by negativity. Everywhere I go there is just so much negativity around me. I am not necessarily the most optimistic person in the world, but I am by no means a pessimist. If something unfortunate happens, I may not be positive about it, but I will do everything in my power to turn it around.

It seems that so many of the people in my life are negative and pessimists. They look for the bad in everything and leave themselves in ruts that they are in. They wait for someone or something to bring them out of it. This is so different from me. I do not like people helping me out with anything if I have a problem. I mean do not get me wrong there are a certain few that I go to for advice, encouragement, motivation but even then its just so I can remind myself of what I need to do to be successful.

It has gotten to points though where I feel like it is holding me back. As far as friends go, it is a lost cause in some situations. I have spent hours and hours trying to do all that I can to change that negative mindset, but I guess it is just human nature to sit where we are comfortable...for some that is in their misery. People find comfort in their misery because they feel sorry for themselves. There is nothing more comfortable than feeling sorry for onself. I guess that is something they need to help themselves with. I think it is just weird for me since I have never not been able to help someone. Now I just see people around me becoming more and more negative. Maybe I am not doing my duty anymore, or maybe I am just losing my touch. It is quite possible that I am not as motivational or compassionate as I thought. Maybe I lost touch with the part of me that made me who I am.

I think it is hard though when I cannot say how I truly feel sometimes. Duty does that. Duty is the only thing that can keep my mouth shut. I am a pretty honest person that does not shy away from fighting for what I believe to be right. My honesty is often compromised though when duty comes into play when I feel like I cannot say how I really feel. It is detrimental in a situation where someone needs to hear the truth. Yes, I try to let them hear the truth because that is the most meaningful way of helping someone, but how can I do it when it drives them away. It is hard for the people in my life who when I try and expose the truth to them, they lose trust and faith in me. They believe that I am against them just the same. I think I maybe losing my touch, or I just need to refine what I currently do.

I had a very good weekend. I worked hard to make sure that Brady had the best 21st ever, and I think it went great. He's really an amazing guy, and I miss being down there with him. Especially seeing all these little ones flocking to him. I mean he deserves it, but I just remember the freshman whose name I put down on the Hall Council nomination sheet. Weird how quickly things change. Yesterday I was his RA and we would do everything together, but now he is an RA himself and hours away on a completely different path.

It was nice to be away this weekend, but I came back to reality which hit hard. I just feel like I do not have a lot of positive things to seek inspiration around me. Not saying I do not have amazing things or people around me, but I just feel back to square one of how I felt when I first came to IUPUI. That feeling of hopelessness and instability. All I need is my faith and myself I know, but it is hard to see something that I have built up for so long slip away. I really hope that I am not losing focus on what I believe my purpose is. I try to live it everyday, but it feels like something is not right. I am just missing something right now. I just cannot seem to put my finger on it though...

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Random Thoughts Part IX

1. So the home phone rings, and I go to pick it up. I say "Hello." The other person on the line says "Hello" back, and that is it. WTH, I do not know who the hell this is. Now there is an awkward 5 second pause of silence until I say something stupid, find out who this person is, find out I know them well, and look rude and impolite for the way I answered. Learn how to use a phone people, when you call someone introduce yourself. "Hello Areef, this is John." Come on now...

2. So I was driving this past weekend, and this person was in the far right lane. Randomly he cuts across three lanes of traffic and cuts me off. Anyway that knows my rage can imagine what I did. But the man then raised his hand and apologized. I quickly forgive him and went back to my old disposition. You cannot break the rules of saying thank you and sorry. I hate letting people in for them not to say thank you. There are several times I go in the next lane just so I can cut them off and make them pay for not saying thank you.

3. I was talking to a person at Bank about a policy. She referred me to "Number A" Some degree you have there lady, cannot even tell the difference between numbers and letters.

4. You know that song "You're So Vain." It always confuses me because it says that the the song is not about him, but it really is isn't it? So does that really make him vain, or just make the lady stupid?

5. Another update on the Snuggie. It is worse than I imagined. They have a new set of commercials out with pet snuggies, people dancing with their snuggies, going to the movies with the snuggies, and watching a game and doing the Wave with it. I cannot take it! I will defriend any person who buys this contraption.

6. I love going through carwashes. I turn my music volume all the way up and have a great time. I love going through the drying area too because the one I go to have ropes on the walls with little stuffed monkeys hanging on. One word: Amazing.

7. I hate that Wal-Mart commercial about going to school. What male in their right mind would want a room that looked like that. Thanks but no thanks Wal-Mart. Maybe I will hit you up if I am looking for a sex change.

Monday, September 14, 2009

The Higher Road

Who we are, our identify finds its foundation and is molded by our thoughts. People who use this form of thought and this way of life have the capacity to bring immense amount of joy through thoughts and actions. Joy is a little child that runs after them wherever they go.

I love the paradox of this though. Joy surrounds them, but little joy do they receive themselves. I find myself on this road a lot. I follow what I believe to be right, follow what I believe to be my path because it is RIGHT. Not easy, but right in my mind for me. Why does society frown upon that? People are weirded out by that and ask why not do what makes you happy not what is right.

Do not get me wrong, there is so much I am happy and grateful for in my life, but this happiness is but fulfillment. I try to live my life as a buttress of support for those around me. Look at the beams of a building though. Without the beams, it would shudder and collapse. Yet no attention is paid to the beams. When the beam does break under pressure, people blame it for not doing its duty rather than thanking it for what it had done all this time.

I am not saying I am perfect or saying I am a martyr by any means, but I see the people getting so caught up around me in their own lives. I feel left out, someone to only come to when they need encouragement or motivation. It is weird how people rush back to their past or to the steadfast things in their life only when they need support. All other times, they lose the big picture.

I am happy for the road I am on. It is a difficult, higher road, but pressure is so consuming sometimes to always deliver. A beam has no choice but to accept his place in life, but sometimes the pressure and the hidden role is a lot. I feel like I failed in a lot of notions. I think I made my impact, but none of that is prevalent anymore. Others have taken up what I started. I slip into that hidden role again, something in the past.

I feel inadequate, and just an option. I was something that worked once, but now bigger and better things have come along. I think that is my path, carving out the road for bigger and better things to come. I guess that is something that is vitally important. It may be forgotten or taken for granted, but then again in the end does that really matter? All that matters is to do what it is right. That is the goal of my life.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Random Thoughts Part VIII

1. So there have been a lot of military commercials lately. Today, however, one came on about some traditional Indian family having their son want to go into the military. I can speak on this because I am Indian...the only professions you can be are doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Yeah they need to get their facts straight, plus we are not cut out for no military. The biggest work-out we get is sweating from all that damn spicy food we eat.

2. I saw the most amazing thing today. Someone was walking a duck! Straight up had a string around the duck's neck and was just waddling down the street. I do not think I have ever been more inspired in my life. I have added this to my list of things to do before I die: Walk a duck down the street.

3. You know when you just get out of the shower, and you are dripping wet. You reach for a towel to dry yourself off and then wrap it around yourself. I have never had a more unfulfilled feeling as to when the towel barely could wrap around me. I mean he got around but there a slice of me that was exposed. Why in the world would they make a towel that cannot wrap around you? More than that even, why would my Mom buy these cheap ass things.

4. I was walking up the stairs the other day. I go the right side and start my ascent. This large woman is walking down in the same lane as me. She stops and expects me to move and says "Excuse you." Excuse me woman, I could say many things, but you need to get some education. That is what we need in America: Walking etiquette. We drive on the right side of the road. Why in the world would you think this disappears because we are out of car. Everything is designed for the right side. Another instance of the failure of mankind.

5. Elevators just confuse me. I press the down button and wait. The elevator comes and SAYS it is going down, but NO it decides to go up, much to my dismay. I get off only to realize I am on the 4th floor, look like an idiot, and hop back in. We all press 1, but it stops at 2. Thinking it is 1, I get off because no one was there to get on. AGAIN, I look stupid and get off and have to rush back in. Finally we get to Floor 1, and I am about to get off, turn around, and the people are like you can get off now. I felt stupid. I hate elevators. I shall be the last time I ride one for a while.

6. I was sitting in class yesterday, when the person in front of me farts. Not a small fart, one of those loud farts where you have no choice but to admit that it was yours. But no, she did not move. She made no inclination to show that she just farted. Then the lady has the nerve to turn around and look at me. Yes woman, I know you farted, and yes it smells. Do not try and act like you were so sly that if you ignore it no one will care. Oh well, the professor does not like her anyway. Take that.

7. So I have an issue with time obviously. My newest issue is the use of Today and Tomorrow. I hate when I am talking to someone at 1AM on a Monday late night lets say, and I say lets get lunch tomorrow. I mean to get lunch on Tuesday, not Wednesday as they may think. Yah yah new day started at 12AM, we all know that. But the day does not officially end until I go to sleep. Tomorrow begins as Today when I wake up from sleep. That is my final word.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

I wish to focus this blog on the evil that is a single paradigmatic object, the glass mirror. This object is no mere object. It is a symbol. A signal and channel to truly expose the world for what it is.

It was not long before mirrors completely invaded our society and put it to lock and chain. Look around you. Mirrors. Everywhere. How many mirrors do you have in your house?

“Oh Lord! Alas, under what evil influence have we fallen? to see such depravity on earth as we see, to the point of bringing to church these mirrors of corruption hanging from the belly. Were one to read all the histories—divine, human, and profane—it would never be found that impudent and meretricious women had worn mirrors in public until this day, when the devil is set loose in France: which is more detestable before god and before men than all other abominations. And though none but courtisans and masqued damsels use them, if these times are any indication, every last bourgeois woman and chambermaid (as there are, even at present), by force of habit, will want to wear one.”

The mirror does not offer a distorted reflection, nor requires polishing, and because of this in no way does it serves as a reminder that God alone sees and judges each person as he or she truly is. We have become God. We decide who is pure, who is whole, who is good, and who is bad. The reflection that these tools offer is an usurpation of divine vision. Any person can now offer a counterfeit image of crystal clarity. They have become shape-shifters. If society accept that what mirrors show is reality, then we are truly doomed. We invest all our energy into perceptions and striving to reach those same realities. We transform and transfigure who we are to fit into a base society where images are the world.

Mirrors signal a disregard for both the hierarchy of society and the estate of man before God. Though reality may be one thing, the mirror will produce another image to which we can hold onto. Another life, if you may. What are mirrors associated with? Vanity, flattery, social climbing, and utter moral lassitude. Thus began the degradation of society: the introduction of the individualistic state. It is often necessarily to live as an individual in order to advance oneself in life, but to give one’s self complete to this notion is synonymous to selling one’s soul to the Devil. Look at the period that we as Americans emulate the most, the Renaissance. A time period that was so immersed in its notions of self-righteousness brought about the ideas of secularization, humanism, individualism, and subjectivity. The mirror became a metaphor. A reminder to society of human identity and consciousness. Rather than directing the viewer’s gaze to a moral lesson it forces us to look back at our self.

We live today as slaves to a Greater Being. A being whom we created ourselves. It has entrenched our society, and unless we collectively rise up against it, we are doomed.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Random Thoughts Part VII

1. So...I went to the movies yesterday, and I am sitting next to this girl. Do you know when you can feel staring at you? I keep trying to look over, and finally I see the girl next to me staring at me. Except her left eye is staring at me and her head is turned toward me. Her right eye, though, was turned to the screen watching the movie. I have never been so weirded out in my life. I am still shooken up by an hour and a half of this.

2. I hate the PSP. Remember back when Gameboys were in. People would play these games, except keep the volume up. Um, hello?! I am trying to watch TV. Why do you need to have the volume on? Does it make you feel better? Stupid fools...I thought it went away, but this damn PSP has brought back bad memories.

3. I was driving the other day on I-94 toward Chicago. I look over to the side of the road, and there is a girl squatting and pooping on the side of the road. Really? Could you not move ten feet behind you and find a bush. Do you really want to put yourself in a position where anyone can see your stuff? I mean normally I would not mind, but she was fat. FML.

4. You know when someone calls, and you miss it because you are in the shower. You come out and call them right away. Tell me why for some reason they do not answer the phone. You JUST called me, but 5 minutes later you cannot answer your phone. Bullshit. If you were in an important meeting, you would not leave to call, so obviously you are just incapable of doing things right.

5. Rosemary Foccacia. Absolutely delicious. Panera, once a week. JUST for the Rosemary Focaccia bread. When I order it now though, there is NO rosemary. They still call it the same thing, but just took off the rosemary! What kind of jip is that?! It was a sad day.

6. Ugh so the professor just assigned you readings to do at home. Sucks right? The most amazing thing in the world is though when you open the book, the actual book does not start till like page 4 or 5! AMAZING! I mean no one actually reads that Preface or Introduction garbage. I have no clue what happened to pages 1-4, or why they just disappeared from the book, but hey at least I do not have to read them.

7. So I really wanted to hang up on this secretary the other day. She is one of those people you just hope falls over dead in the next five minutes. When I went to go do it though, I realized stupid technology had caught up with me, and I now have a cordless phone. The whole process was just so much less gratifying. Yet again, another sad day.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Breath of Fresh Air

Well here I go....I know many of you were waiting for me to say this for a long time...

I am no longer on the medical school track. (Theresa do not kill me for two years of torture I put you through lol)

I am currently getting an MS in Public Affairs. I have decided after this to get my Ph.D. For years now, I have thought about becoming a professor. I think now I shall run for it. I want to have an impact on my students and help with their development. There is something about opening that door for someone for the first time.

Medicine can offer just that as well, but I am so much more interested in the healing aspect of medicine rather than the studies of it. I want to be a healing mechanism for people. I want to be a soundboard, a tool, a mechanism for change in people's lives. I want to be a conduit for people searching to enhance their lives or even turn over a new leaf.

I want to be more than a professor though. Over the years I have established some very strong connections. I am on a very good communication basis with Chancellor Bantz in that we e-mail often. I am also in good contact with several Vice-Chancellors, Deans, and Administrators that I met at IUPUI. Do I really want to throw all this away? Or not take advantage of this? I will be the next Chancellor of IUPUI. I will be the Dean of Faculties just like Dean Sukhatme. This is my vision, and I shall go with it.

I wish to reach the top echelon of the university. I am currently looking at several different areas to get my Ph.D. in.

Communication and Culture
Comparative Literature
Political Science
History, Philosophy & Comparative Education
Health Behavior
Public Policy
Public Affairs (I could do a joint option in both Public Policy and Public Affairs)
Philanthropic Studies

I am very excited. I wish to also still be involved in Politics, and you may notice a strong disposition towards health. I still am very intersted in that aspect. Please do not respond saying anything negative about medicine. It is an amazing field of which I have the utmost respect for. My Dad is my idol, and seeing the majesty of his work has inspired me enough for several lifetimes. I just think I am going to use his influence in another aspect.

:-)