People’s moral lassitude continues to astound me. Despite being in medical school they succumb to base temptations. It sickens me that so many people just let their own desires, passions, and bruised egos let slip away any dignity that they may have still possessed. I am tired of people being duplicitous, tired of them being hypocrites, and tired of them thrusting upon others their own insecurities that they themselves were drowning in.
People here see me as a calm, collected person. They do not see my inner demons of rage and anger. I have made mistakes in the past, but I never compromise my morals. I struggle all the time to keep my second, more sinister alter-ego from surfacing since I do not think most people could handle it. It is a scary individual, and it is a main reason why I do not let others see my thoughts or true inner mind workings. It is almost evil at times.
Well I got a bit tangential there, but I guess what I am trying to allude to eventually is that we all have our menacing inner self. Even if some people’s inner selves are more than others or that they are able to control them more, we are all obliged to societal dictations of how we should carry ourselves and people should stop being sacrilegious to not only to their own selves but to all of us around them. It’s weird, whether I am here or at home, people always think I am very different and not normal. Always making me feel like there is something wrong with me, yet in my head I have always thought deep down that I was the normal one. Maybe in many ways that is true…maybe rather in many ways I am surrounded by idiosyncrasies that let their inner demon lash out at destructive intervals rather than embracing one’s inner demon and learning to tame it into submission.
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I am compelled to agree that every person has an inner figure, although I certainly can't speak on that behalf, I do think it's a struggle to merge the inner wants / needs / thoughts / feelings with the outside projections. Of course, polite society frowns on some of our most visceral tangents, but creating a safe group of people to share that inner person with is the basis of close relationships and trust.
ReplyDeleteI have long shared that same notion of feeling different from everyone else, but even in that, neither of us are alone. Perhaps the inner demon does not need to be tamed, but integrated into a whole persona and recognized for what it is - a part of us. Good and bad, those who care about us will embrace both the negative and positive.
BTW I love getting into these discussions with you, even if it's only through blogger :D
(current applicable song I'm listening to: Motion City Soundtrack - Everything is alright)